tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11644457797484966212024-03-13T14:31:39.098-04:00Every Day With LoveKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.comBlogger277125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-17854823562035868472019-03-25T08:00:00.000-04:002019-03-26T17:12:34.078-04:00The Blessing of "No".<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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"I think I've got things pretty together."</h3>
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This was the thought that went through my head, January 2018. I arrogantly surveyed things and any red flags in life were obviously the effects of other people's issues. I was not the cause. </div>
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Every day was a long list of victim mentality fueled excuses. I didn't need to change, everyone else did.</div>
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Oh man did I learn.</div>
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February hit like a freight train. I came face to face with my worst fears as a mother and it left me in a crumpled heap on the floor. I won't get into the details, but I remember the lesson I learned. I remember the "No" for that season. </div>
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I cannot save my children. I am not enough to fill them. I cannot love them enough and any attempt to point them to myself instead of the Lord was arrogance and would always fail. </div>
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I remember the moment when I realized this. I was standing in the dark in the kitchen. The kids were all in bed. Steve walked in and wrapped his arms around me and I crumbled. I had failed. "I wasn't enough," I said. Almost as quickly, the Holy Spirit in his mercy began to speak to my heart. If I could not save myself, why would I ever assume I could be enough for my children? It cracked my heart open in a way only grief can and I was better for it.</div>
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The next "No" wasn't expected, not that any of them were. I got a call from my dad, it was cancer. I remember where I was. I remember acting like it was going to be fine but again felt like I'd somehow failed.... </div>
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I've since realized a pattern my whole life. Any time someone I loved deeply suffered as a kid I would assume the responsibility for not making it better. I remember being 7 or 8 and my little sister fell and skinned her knee. I was at the top of the steps and saw it happening but couldn't get there in time. I vividly remember thinking "It's your fault she's hurt." This theme happened over and over and led me up to this past year.</div>
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As I hung up the phone and began to process what my dad had told me another process was beginning. The Lord was showing me how little control I have over ANYTHING in life. I cannot control the track of the day. I cannot control the choices of my children. I cannot even control my own emotions some days. How could I possibly expect that I could fix any of this "no's" that had come my way? There's only one who has done all of those things and he was lovingly reminding me of his power.</div>
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Fast forward to July. I see a house. It's a BIG house and it starts the wheels turning and I begin dreaming. Space is an important thing for our family. Not only because there are so many of us, but because of the unique needs of our family. For a kid to be able to get away from the crazy when memories get too big would be amazing. I arrogantly thought "Hey, we can just sell our house and buy this one. It'll be great!". We prayed about it but my heart believed I could do this in my own strength.</div>
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So we listed our house for sale in October....</div>
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Then a hurricane hit and destroyed our yard......</div>
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Our plumbing backed up into the house and we discovered our house was on an undocumented septic tank.....</div>
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Our dishwasher, microwave, washer and dryer, hall light all stopped working within a month of each other.....</div>
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Our kids went through a season of intense anxiety and paint was picked off the walls...</div>
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All of this happened and we kept showing the house... over 30 times. </div>
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Every time was a "no". It broke us. </div>
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I remember sitting on the floor in my closet sobbing. My heart was just SO angry with the Lord. Wasn't it enough? Hadn't we been through enough? Our life was hard enough, why couldn't he just give already?? </div>
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Oh the arrogance. To think that I am owed anything. To think that I know better than the Lord that made me, created this life I live and KNOWS my innermost thoughts, heart and desire. </div>
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I was brought to a moment where I just screamed, cried and felt all my illusions of control just crack and break away.</div>
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I was exhausted. I couldn't do it anymore. I was ready to turn over the reigns.</div>
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You see how stubborn I am? I fought. I schemed and planned. I negotiated and bargained. I acted like I was the owner and author of my life... but I surrendered that role long ago.</div>
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When I was incredibly young the Lord opened my eyes to my need for him. I remember it just made sense and I loved him so. The years had dampened that love though into a dull burn and it needed to be reignited. </div>
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I sit here now, 12+ months later and I'm changed to my core. The peace I feel these days is only made deeper when I remember the restlessness and anger I was filled with a year ago. Jesus has been kind to me. </div>
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As we've walked into this season of surrender we've also found ourselves dreaming again. We have always been in love with the process of redemption and restoration. It's what Christ has done and is doing on a daily basis in our hearts. We love to model and mimic that process in our daily life, in our work. As we've dreamed we've realized our hearts cry has deepened into a desire to make others lives better. </div>
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We're dreaming about a farm that wraps all who are there in love, acceptance and the knowledge that they're needed. </div>
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We're restarting <a href="https://www.facebook.com/e.daynaturals/" target="_blank">our herbal business</a>, Lord willing, and dreaming up ways to improve, expand and continue to create products that make every day life a little healthier. </div>
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<a href="https://www.gofundme.com/777m5-we-say-yes&rcid=r01-155345735708-543628334c7d48b9&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w" target="_blank">We're adopting again.</a> We don't know who but the Lord has been so clear that we're to move forward and just prepare. I've thought of the story of Noah over and over as we've been in this process. I don't know who is coming but I know we have to make room. It's scary and I feel crazy more often than nought, but it is good.</div>
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/weareehandmade/" target="_blank">We're writing music again</a>. Worship and encouragement that is poured from the deepest parts of our heart that have encountered the Lord this year and come away renewed. It's a slow process but it's picking up speed.</div>
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We laugh a lot more. I know this isn't a life change but it really is. </div>
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The last 4 years have been hard for our family. We walked blindly into a process of adopting older kids joyfully and with no understanding of what it would require of us. We were young 30 year olds who had NO ONE in our life who was experiencing what we were. We couldn't talk about it. We didn't even know how to talk about it. We just put our heads down and did the best we could. </div>
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We're finally at a stage where life is feeling as normal as it can when you all started your lives apart and tragedy brought you together. We are a team and we are deeply committed to each other more and more each day. I love these kiddos with every fiber of my being and they have taught me more about redemption and the gospel than any other human on this planet. They are resilient and never give up. They forgive over and over and over. They hope for the best and face their fears even when it's overwhelming. They make me a better person for being their mommy.</div>
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I say all of that because the last desire that is building is to find a way to better support foster and adoptive families, especially older child adoption/placement. I remember the isolation and exhaustion in the beginning and the Lord in his mercy has since taught me my eyes must lift to him in my hard moments. I've gotten the joy of working with a few families over the years and have found a deep joy in getting to sit and listen while they begin their journeys. I get to be a sounding board, cheerleader and friend during some of the most life altering moments they'll go through. I'm excited to see where that will lead in the coming years. </div>
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This turned out to be way longer than I was expecting but the process of writing is one I've missed dearly. To sum it all up, our life is at the edge of huge changes. It's scary and yet exhilarating at the same time. I'm a lover of change and as I get older I'm learning how to make that work for me instead of beat myself up for it.</div>
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If you've made it this far I just want to encourage you. The Lord has not forgotten you. "No" never means "I don't love you.". "Wait" never means "I've forgotten you.". "Yes" doesn't mean "You're my favorite.". </div>
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Each season has it's ups and downs and there are just as many blessings, if not more, in the no's of life I'm learning. They make us bolder. They make us stronger. They fill us with moxie... but only if the one who's filling us also created us. THAT is a strength that never runs out, never leaves us and always, ALWAYS picks us back up when life is crushing us.</div>
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Be encouraged friends. We don't fight this fight. It's already won.</div>
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With Love Again (finally),</div>
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Katie<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-39712674522875355032014-06-12T10:56:00.003-04:002019-03-24T16:04:19.181-04:00In all things, love.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm sitting here at our kitchen table (that I've completely moved around in the last 24 hrs) watching my sweet O.P.M. was the dishes and I just can't believe I get to be her mama. <br />
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We're in the stage where she's about to get her learner's permit and learning what her identity looks like outside of the adults in her life. It's a joy to watch unfold.<br />
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Tomorrow marks 4 months since she permanently moved in with us. I wish I could say it's been a breeze since that first day.. but I cannot tell a lie. We've watched an amazing, sweet, smart and sassy child go through many stages of grief.. and we've been in the trenches with her. <br />
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We've dealt with questions about abandonment, loss, death, beauty, relationships, self-image... the list goes on. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I'd be prepared for these things, for those hard questions. God has been so faithful though. Each time I'd get hit with a "Why does everyone leave me?" or "Did my mother ever really love me?" God has been faithful to put the words in my mouth.<br />
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Through all the pain I've watched God very specifically move to get Sam the things she needed and to lovingly teach Steve and I how to be parents to this precious child. She humbles me (sometimes more than I want), she forces me to really look at my motives and actions, she questions... she makes me better.<br />
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Recently we've started to see things "settle" a bit.. if that is the right word for it. OPM is starting to trust us more, fight correction less and LAUGH a lot. I love listening to her laugh because it hints at the healing that is daily taking place in her heart.<br />
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Because of how many mothers she's had in our life it's been a pretty rough road these last few months. Every abandonment, hurt, question or bad memory would visit itself on me as if I had been the one to inflict them. I wish I could say I was the vision of mercy. I wish I could say I laughed each painful accusation, harsh word or look off and moved on with my day... but I'm human. There were tears, there were moments of exhaustion and times where I just didn't respond well. We made it through though. Steve was our peacemaker. He was able to swoop in, cut through the emotion and somehow make us both feel heard and no less important. I am constantly reminded how important that "two becoming one" thing really is. <br />
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Steve has starting asking us each week what God is teaching us, how he's teaching us it and how we can support each other as we learn. As a family we've been reading through 1st, 2nd and 3rd John. The theme of Love is through the whole Bible but in those books it's literally SHOUTED from every page. As we've read, we've been confronted with our own selfish natures and had to really wrestle with ways we can love our brother. I'm so grateful God is teaching us this right now. He's challenging my heart to look past my wants and meet the needs of those he's put in my life. He's challenging me to love my child the way SHE needs to be loved and now how I FEEL like loving. He's challenging me to quietly bless my husband with that 3rd cup of coffee, even though the hippie in me cringes. Putting others first doesn't come naturally to any of us but with every step forward I see a little more Jesus in my house and for that I'm grateful!<br />
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And now, I've must help wrangle the dish situation currently going on in the kitchen... it's getting a little out of hand ...<br />
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... mama out!<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-21669172643793266212014-04-21T10:51:00.000-04:002014-04-21T10:51:00.960-04:00I Love It When A Plan Comes Together!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've wrestled with this blog off and on for the last 4 months. I didn't know how to continue and so I put it off. There has been so much going on in our life, but I couldn't figure out how to download and share our experiences and still protect the sweet relationships that are forming in our house.<br />
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You see, 4 months ago we met our daughter. <br />
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2 months ago she moved in and today I am just finally starting to feel that peace and the urge to write again.<br />
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Our sweet daughter, shall from here on be called "Our Potato Master" (the name of her choosing) or simply O.P.M.<br />
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I decided that I wanted to tell the story of finding our little potato master. I use "little" facetiously as she's 15 and as sassy as can be. <br />
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So here we go...<br />
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Last Nov. things were pretty much a huge jumbled mess in our life. I was struggling to keep it together, <a href="http://wthlove.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-god-of-impossible.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">having panic attacks</span></a> and pretty much questioning everything I knew to be true in life. My wonderful husband was doing his best to keep things together, but something needed to give.<br />
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On Nov. 9th, 2013 we were working a local farmer's market for our business, <a href="http://www.naturalwithlove.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">With Love</span></a>. It was a beautiful day and we were busily selling salves and natural body products. Adoption was the last thing on our mind. <br />
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In the middle of the morning I heard my phone "ding". I had a message from a facebook friend. We'd never met in person and had really only talked a few times. We'd been put in contact with each other through her family member that had gone to church with us. I quickly scanned the first few lines in between customers. I saw the phrase "I know this is weird but I think you should consider adopting...". "We've got another one Steve." I told him. <br />
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You see over and over for the last 3-4 years we'd had well meaning, loving and incredibly kind friends, family and strangers contacting us about children that needed homes. Over time you just learned to kindly acknowledge them but move on. We thought this was another well meaning message. We were so wrong.<br />
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After the market I finally had time to read the actual message. As we drove home Steve and I joked back and forth while I scanned. Suddenly I wasn't responding anymore and "shushed" Steve when he tried to talk to me. As I read it was like the Holy Spirit kindly hugged me and whispered "It's about to all make sense.". <br />
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I finished reading 4 pages of incredible, wonderfully detailed information on our little master. This facebook friend had stepped out in faith and followed God's leading. She, at great cost to herself, realized her job was to find the forever family for O.P.M. and she did this faithfully. I looked up at Steve, as we reached our driveway, with tears in my eyes. "You need to read this one." I said. Steve read it and I'll never forget the words he said. "She sounds just like me.". My heart knew right then that we had found our girl.<br />
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Over the next two months we corresponded with O.P.M.'s foster family and social services. It was honestly the easiest process. It was nothing compared to the other experiences we've had working with the state. It was a dream. <br />
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On Dec. 22nd we met our sweet girl. She walked into church, our hearts stopped, and the tears freely flowed. We praised God for the waiting, the questions and the uncertainty. It all finally made sense. We were waiting for HER. <br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Tk5sxR6oaQ/U1UtV2wNkyI/AAAAAAAACl0/ooJS0fBzzuw/s1600/photo+3+%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Tk5sxR6oaQ/U1UtV2wNkyI/AAAAAAAACl0/ooJS0fBzzuw/s1600/photo+3+%25283%2529.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a>You see O.P.M. was not available for adoption until Dec. 13th, 2013. So God, in His mercy, brought her into our life right when it was time to start the process of giving her a forever family. God, in His mercy, protected HER from having to wait and wonder if she was wanted. The day she was legally free she not only had a loving, temporary family that she was living with to celebrate, she had a mom and dad all ready and waiting.<br />
We were never waiting because of something we needed, we were waiting so we were ready when she was. The last 3 years had and have been a lesson in parenting, we just didn't realize it until now. <br />
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So O.P.M. has been in the home for just over 2 months now. It's been an incredibly challenging journey, but that's a story for another day. <br />
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We are praising Jesus in our home. Praising the plan he so clearly had, the joy that he brings in the midst of pain and the certainty that He is Lord of our lives. Even in the tough moments we cling to these truths and the every reigning hope in His faithfulness.<br />
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Rejoicing in what's to come!<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-87837188639525885712013-12-05T10:31:00.002-05:002013-12-05T10:31:09.623-05:00Well Hello There...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's been so long since I've been on here that I couldn't remember how to find it. <br />
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I was asked the other day why I haven't been blogging and I responded "how many ways can I say "hi we're waiting for adoption stuff to move along". But I decided that it was time to at least update a bit. <br />
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This time of year is hard for me usually. There are a lot of painful memories surrounding failed adoptions and losing kids associated with this time of year. A few weeks ago I felt myself starting to get sucked into that a bit and decided I needed to put a stop to it. No more feeling sorry for myself. No more waiting around aimlessly while I wait for something to finally happen. It was time to get on with life.<br />
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So I began the process of throwing myself into <a href="http://www.naturalwithlove.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">my business</span></a> more. I've taken on<span style="color: blue;"> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/NaturalWithLove/app_101709316537832" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">more shows</span></a>,</span> rolled out some new products and have several <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/642088679168058/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">rockin' sales</span></a> going on right now. All in all I'm pretty proud of what this little business has become. Never in a million years would I have imagined it would get this successful in such a small amount of time... and it's FUN... go figure!<br />
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So that's the business side of life.. what about the personal?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this is what i look like in my head.</td></tr>
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My younger sister is getting married this summer so there has been a LOT of planning and preparation <br />
underway. And by planning I mean a lot of working out to fit into the dreaded bridesmaid dress (it's beautiful Suz.. i promise!). It's a destination wedding so things I never had to worry about when I got married are our challenges.. like flights and hotels and how to get as much beach time in as possible... you know, the important stuff!<br />
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The most amazing thing that has happened in the last few months is Steve began working from home 4 days a week. This has been the greatest blessing. He went from being gone 12hrs a day to being right upstairs. I may not be typical in this but I really LIKE having him home. I'm more productive and we laugh a LOT more.. plus I know what he's eating ... muahahaha<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This made me laugh!</td></tr>
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What's going on in the adoption world? Well in the next few weeks a story will come out detailing the struggles we and other families have gone through trying to adopt in VA. It's a little daunting but at the same time we know it's what we're supposed to do. They came and took pictures of us last week and it was hilarious! They wanted to capture the "sad" factor of us waiting.. so there was a lot of staring out windows and sitting at an empty table... and trying not to lose it every time the photographer (who was great) said "less smiles Katie"... like that's even possible.<br />
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I get the look they were going for but Steve and I just haven't been like that. Sure we want a family and there are some really, really hard moments while we're waiting.. but we chose a long time ago to find the joy and look at what is GOOD in our life. Not just focus on what is going wrong. We have days and sometimes even weeks where we don't do a good job of this but we are not constantly standing at the window looking forlornly out... so when you see the article just give a little chuckle for us at the picture.<br />
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As far as where we are with getting a child or children in our home... we have possibilities on the horizon.. we always have them there. It's just a matter of who we are the best fit for and what door is opened to us. Be praying because we may be close but we really can't share more than that at this point.<br />
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I'm really trying these days to pray more. I have been in this numb, kinda one sided conversation with God lately (and I haven't been the one talking). I know it's shocking <i>(sarcasm) </i>but I'm far from figuring out this whole "walking with the Lord" thing. There are days I feel on top of the world and am so sure of what's to come and then others where there are real doubts about whether God is even real. <br />
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On those days of doubt he ALWAYS shows me. It's pretty amazing actually. I am the type that see's the details of how something comes together and that's where he shows himself to me.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P2XGUN_jxBM/UqCZmePv_XI/AAAAAAAACgk/7j_aWuLgEP8/s1600/father-and-daughter-silhouette-494x329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P2XGUN_jxBM/UqCZmePv_XI/AAAAAAAACgk/7j_aWuLgEP8/s1600/father-and-daughter-silhouette-494x329.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a> It's not in huge,grand gestures. It's in quiet moments where a<br />
word, action or even the quiet just remind me of who he is. He's constant when I am not. He is faithful when my heart wanders. He holds on to me when my arms are flailing... he is my rock when I don't even know I need an anchor. I am grateful for the Lord's perseverance in pursing this wayward heart. He never gives up.<br />
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So that's a little of where we are. Hopeful abandon and staying busy while we try to keep our ear turned to what his will would be for us. I have a feeling it's going to shock us all.<br />
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Be Blessed!<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-91593627615729937852013-09-20T12:45:00.000-04:002013-09-20T12:45:18.060-04:00The God of the Impossible<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"Deep breaths Katie; take deep breaths". I could hear Steve's voice but it sounded like it was coming from the end of a long hallway. "Breath with me. Baby you've got to calm down." It didn't seem to matter how much he reminded me to take my next breath.. it evaded me. You see I was in the middle of the worst panic attack I'd ever experienced and it had come out of nowhere. <br />
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The last three months has been a balancing act of incredibly, incredibly stressful situations. We've been adjusting to a new schedule where Steve can't be home like he used to. We've been dealing with financial stresses that sometimes felt like they would flatten us with the sheer weight of all the details. We've been dealing with the ever present "what if's" in adoption.. the almost constant rejection we've felt in the Va state adoption system and the call put on our life to make people aware. Add to that normal "life", owning and operating a small business and my body suddenly turning on me and you have a pot that's ready to boil over... and it did.<br />
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I've always been strong. I have never been the person to put my struggles on anyone else and that's not always healthy. I'm the one who will always concede to what others want to do.. though not always graciously. I just don't like to need or depend on anyone else. <br />
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Well I can't do that in this season of life.. or possibly ever again. My brain has just "had it" with doing it all on my own. My dear, sweet, gift of a husband has stepped up and I'm reminded again of how perfect God's plans are. He gives you that person who can stand up and fight for you when you have no fight left. <br />
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I believe deeply in a loving God who has plans that I cannot even begin to understand. I believe that Jesus is wiser and sees more than I will ever understand and that gives me comfort. I also believe God can take my questions and doesn't shy away from the hard things (see dying for our sins as a reference to this). <br />
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My puny little human heart has had a lot of questions lately... and I feel like he's just sat and lovingly listened as I've cried, yelled, cursed and even screamed at him during this period of life. I like that about him... that he wants to hear my heart... even when it's bloodied and not feeling very "christian". <br />
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So that's an update.. some say we're under attack because something's coming, some say it's just life. I tend to fall in the middle. Life is hard and it's even harder when you take it all on yourself. I'm working to come to Jesus with my problems more, to trust the man he's given me to carry our family and to have grace with myself. It doesn't all have to be done by me...<br />
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As I sit here writing I'm tearfully grateful to know that it's going to be ok. Life is hard and sometimes downright impossible... but then we serve the God of the impossible.<br />
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Be blessed! </div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-76115999102861100282013-07-15T11:17:00.000-04:002013-07-15T11:17:12.179-04:00Move It<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The hard moments in life are the ones that change us; they mold us into a closer image of the one we worship. Hard moments also very accurately show me just how far I am from being even a blurry image of Jesus. <br />
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In the last 3 years we've encountered more rejection that we have in the rest of our lives it seems. I've been told we're almost a good candidate, that we totally miss the mark, that we're unfit and that we're a great fit... just not the right (insert any reason). The list goes on but it's become the norm to hear "They went with someone else" in this maddening adoption journey.<br />
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I have days where I just push the rejection out of the way and move on to the next thing and I have days like today where I'm just left wondering what the heck the plan is. I know there is one but man I sure don't see even the next step right now.<br />
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Steve just started a new job 3 weeks ago and it's left me with a lot of one on one time with myself because he's working different hours. I've really started having to think through what I'm supposed to be doing during this season. I was so convinced we'd have started a family by the time we were in our 30's and while we've had a family for temporary moments along the way nothing permanent... that can mess with a girls head in the low moments.<br />
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I will say that one of the most important things I've learned as we've waited is who you have helping you and waiting with you is one of the most important decisions. Working with the older child workers at Bethany Christian Services has been the most encouraging thing. They don't give up on us and they keep us holding on when we feel so defeated. I really cannot recommend these women enough if you're looking to adopt from the foster system. At the same time I have close friends who ask me how it's going, cry with me and rejoice at the little victories. It makes all the difference knowing someone cares about the "maybe's" and "who know's" as much as the huge moments.<br />
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Today is the last day of Steve and I's 7th year of marriage. I think back on our 7th year and honestly love who we are now compared to who we where this time last year. We're healthier, happier and have chickens! Speaking of chickens.. they are hilarious!!! There is never a dull moment with them... whether it's having them follow behind me like little babies or having them taunt our dogs from the glass door... it's always interesting.... end tangent.<br />
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As I close this post I keep thinking about purpose. We all have it... that purpose that was put deep down in our souls. Some of us have ignored it for so long we don't hear it's cry very ofter. Some hear it so loudly but just don't know what to do. I would encourage you to figure out your purpose, your passion and move towards it.. even if it's one step MOVE!!! We are not created for a mindless existence of tv, things and entertainment. This life is short and fleeting and we have a purpose. I'm the queen of procrastination but I'm really trying to listen better and move forward a little each day... even if it's just taking time to let myself think.<br />
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So get moving my friends. I'm right there with you.<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-56690263445370029302013-06-11T10:19:00.000-04:002013-06-11T10:19:25.640-04:00A Calling to Be Ready<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I don't write very often these days. I figure it's pretty boring to hear "hi, we're still waiting" over and over again.<br />
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It's an odd thing waiting... we all do it, we all hate it and none of us can make what we're waiting for happen any faster... and yet we try.<br />
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Take me for example.. I've scoured every adoption site imaginable, found child after child that I want to adopt, prayed, begged, pleaded and waited in a fake state of "calm"... I've tried to convince God we're ready, convince Steve to apply for every child imaginable and tried to force God's hand at every turn.. to no avail.<br />
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Yesterday we heard that the child we'd been praying for was coming home on Friday. We did our crazy happy dance and then the panic and frenzy prep. set in. We began dreaming about her and doing all the things any expectant parent does.. the "what if's" and the "maybe one days". <br />
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Today we got the call that it was all over. I wish I could say this was the first time we'd experienced this or will be the last but it probably isn't. For silly reasons that I'm not going to share here this child will not be ours... at least not at the moment.<br />
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I sat and let myself cry for a bit and once again let go of the dreams we had for another little one. I sent out the mass texts and facebook notifications so I wouldn't have to field congratulations messages later.. and then I just let myself get quiet.<br />
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After awhile I felt it... that peace that passes understanding. That warm embrace from my God who loves me dearly, loves these children more than I could ever imagine and is preparing us to be the parents of specific ones.<br />
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I feel peaceful friends. I am still sad and a little weepy but I'm at peace. I'm more aware each day of the corruption, dysfunction and breakdown of communication our state has with it's social systems. I'm more aware each day of the changes that are needed if children will find forever homes. I see all of these things, it breaks my heart and I ask God "How do we help?". <br />
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The only answers I get right now are to keep learning, supporting the families God has put in our life and to keep moving forward. We are called to be ready.. for who knows what.<br />
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So it's muddy, messy and so, so dark in this valley but God is faithful and will lead us to the other side.<br />
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In the meantime I'm gonna make dinner, bake some bread and clean my house.. the quiet and purpose are balm to this wounded soul.<br />
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Be blessed friends.</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-21398447196862425432013-04-18T11:42:00.001-04:002013-04-18T11:42:38.398-04:00This is Amazing Grace, this is Unfailing Love...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
More and more I'm realizing what a strong passion God has put in my heart and the heart of my husband for children from hard places. We LOVE being given the opportunity to love on these littles and show them a little of what God's love looks like. I talked with my adopted nieces last night and was just in awe of the relationship God has built there and how he brought those precious girls into our life. There are SO many stories of children he's brought in over the last three years.. my cup runs over with love for these kids.<br />
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I started thinking today about the future and wondering how God will use this passion in the years to come. I am married to a man that is so honorable and so full of righteous indignation when he sees the "meak" hurt and abused. I love that about him. I can't wait to see how God molds that in him and how those passions will lead our family in the future.. orphanage work, long term missionaries, working with local ministries, starting one ... I don't know but I do know there is adventure yet to come!</div>
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This week has been a week of anticipation for us as we have been told a very important meeting would take place this week. We've known about a sweet sibling group for about a month now and as we've learned more and more about them we've just been at peace with requesting to be considered to parent them. We were told that a meeting would be held this week but since it's the state we know things can change all the time. They're supposed to meet tomorrow but a time hasn't been set so we're just praying it can be set right now. We are SO ready to get some direction and find out if these littles are ours. </div>
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Please pray with us that we'll hear about the meeting today and that we can get a definite direction SOON!</div>
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I'm sitting here thinking about the last few weeks and honestly there have been some really rough moments. Our dogs got into a horrible fight on Easter sunday that resulted in over $1200 in veterinary bills, my husband dealt with some shock issues associated with that fight (it was incredibly violent and bloody and he was right in the middle of it) and we grappled with our finances yet again.</div>
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I've noticed our area seems to really be feeling the impact of our crappy economy lately. Food prices have gone up, gas is crazy and most people are carefully counting their pennies. We have been right there with everyone else with that... literally counting our pennies lol!</div>
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This week we realized we had two outstanding checks that had not yet cleared and vet bills had killed out budget. So we prayed and went on a $ scavenger hunt throughout the house. We always save our coins so we dumped those and counted everything, dug through our cars and laughed our way through what could have been very stressful. In the end we had $30 MORE than we needed and we gleefully praised the Lord for his faithfulness! Steve and I are two spenders who have been gently <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>(and sometimes not so gently)</i></span> refined by the Lord as he's taught us how to handle that illusive dollar. We've fallen in love with the <a href="http://www.daveramsey.com/home/" target="_blank">Dave Ramsey</a> method and proudly have paid off a ton of debt over the last three years. We still have a lot of learning to do but God has been so faithful to provide every step!</div>
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So there's a little update on our life.. we're <i>sometimes</i> calmly waiting for news on kids, learning how to be grownups with our money, dreaming of adventures to come and raising chickens on the fringes...</div>
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Be blessed!</div>
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<i>This is on repeat for me today! Enjoy :)</i></div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-79567183550406260532013-03-13T10:51:00.001-04:002013-03-13T10:51:50.596-04:00Waiting in Hope<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Life seems to be all about abrupt transitions right now. Everything happens quickly and with little notice and that's ok... it keeps us on our toes!<div>
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Last week we had our awesome nieces and nephew stay with us for a week and it was a crazy, beautiful mess of a time. We love having those munchkins over... when else do we have an excuse to play hide and go seek at 7 at night?? It was definitely a sweet time of bonding with them, seeing their hearts a little more and laughing a LOT! Spending the week with them also further solidified in our minds that we were created for older kids.. at least at this stage of our life. </div>
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Another abrupt transition was our awesome chickens!! A dear friend tacked our sweet chicks onto her order of hundreds and surprise!! They came home yesterday... you should have seen this mama fret. We weren't expecting them for two more days so we didn't have ANYTHING for them.. Steve looked at me before they came and said "Katie don't get so attached... remember they're food"... HA!! You should have seen that man when those babies entered our house... he is smitten! That's one of the biggest things I love about Steve. He loves babies. He has such a tender heart and is SO gentle and loving with fragile things. I am so blessed to be waiting for our forevers with this man!</div>
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Last week, in between the kids and chickens, I headed to Georgia for the <a href="http://createdforcare.org/" target="_blank">Created for Care</a> conference. It's an adoption conference for women only and it is SO needed once a year!! There were amazing speakers, challenging moments and a lot of tears.. but my favorite part of the conference was who I roomed with. My friend Jenna came but then we also had two women room with us that we'd never met before... and who I now feel like I've known forever!!</div>
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The conversations, insights and encouragement that came from being with those three women was priceless to me!! It was so fun to see how God wove our time together. If you looked at us on paper it didn't seem like we had that much in common... all totally different adoption situations and from different parts of the country.. but our hearts were the same. I'm so blessed to have had that time! </div>
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I've had a few people ask me about the two children we were being considered for. As far as we know we are still being considered but our social worker is having a hard time contacting the children's social worker so we aren't really expecting anything to come of it. That's just part of domestic adoption (through the state) and we roll with it. We've learned at this point not to emotionally attach to any situation until we know it's going to move forward. We do know our worker is working with another sibling group that they say we are a "strong match for" but we don't know anything other than that...</div>
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And so in the meantime we wait in hope, focus on not killing our chickens and prepare for the spring and summer season with our <a href="http://www.naturalwithlove.com/" target="_blank">With Love</a> products!</div>
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Thank you so much for praying for us, encouraging us and waiting hopefully with us!! We love you all!</div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-49702437405831615422013-02-27T11:23:00.002-05:002013-02-27T11:24:24.007-05:00Our Blessing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I collapsed onto the couch this morning at 8:35am and didn't open my eyes again for two hours... Why so tired you ask? Our schedule drastically changed for this week and I am getting up at 5:30am every morning to wake three darling children, feed them (and Steve which he doesn't get normally so he's happy) and then drive them to their school that is a half hour to forty-five minutes away. Why are we doing this you ask??? Because we believe adoption, foster-care and everything in-between is a community effort. <br />
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I hear it said a LOT in the adoption/foster community that they feel so supported while they're waiting for kids but then the kids come and everyone assumes everything is perfect from that first moment and they go back to their lives. I know everyone has busy lives and everyone has their struggles. I don't ever want to diminish that. I'm simply saying that if you feel called to love on, pray for and support a family who is going through the foster/adoption process, don't stop once the kids come home. <br />
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The REAL work begins when that door closes and those parents are staring into the face of this child or children that have now become family. No matter the age of the child there are massive adjustments that will go on behind those doors. If the child or children are older then those parents will go through hell most likely before they reach the side where a family emerges... I know.. I've been there.<br />
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With each of our girls that came through our home there was an intense transition time. It depended on the child, but all of them were hard, full of joy, pain, grief and sorrow and were just plain HARD. There were many nights (and this will happen again when our forevers come home i'm sure) that I would quietly walk upstairs when Steve got home and sit and cry where my beautiful girls couldn't see me. I wasn't crying for me. I was crying for the pain each of these littles was carrying in their heart. I was crying for the joy I saw robbed, the life experiences that had come too soon and the anger that they carried to protect themselves. There wasn't just one child I saw that struggled, it was all of them and believe me.. parents who parent children from hard places NEED your support and love. <br />
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If you know someone in your life who has adopted, is adopting, is a foster parent or has that calling... love on them. How do you love on them? You love on their kids. You give them moments of rest. You surprise them with a meal. You knock on that door and be willing to shoulder a little of the pain that family is facing and let them know you see them... You listen... listening is huge.<br />
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We were talking with some family friends this week about how we suddenly feel like pieces from part of the puzzle of our life are starting to fall into place. We don't ask God WHY he's let us parent so many kids but none of them have stayed. We don't ask WHY we've experienced so many of the faces of adoption/foster care. We know it's because now we get it. If we meet someone in the process.. it doesn't really matter what process their in.. we get it. <br />
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Over the past few months we've really felt a burden to begin building a community of families that have adopted/foster/or something in between. We've named this community 127 in reference to James 1:27. It's been crazy to see how once Steve said "Yes" to us doing this we started making connections with people that need that community. I'm so excited to see where it goes, and even more excited to create an environment where our future kids are not the exception but the norm!<br />
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When I think back on our journey I am so grateful for the hundreds of people that have prayed, the ones who have sent clothes, money, toys and support and the few that have sat in our home, loved on us and developed relationships with our kids. You have all touched our lives in a way that is incredibly humbling and it helps us to keep on.<br />
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You are a blessing to us!<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-77491634494993975222013-02-18T11:01:00.000-05:002013-02-18T11:01:45.381-05:00Waiting Gracefully... lol.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
You'd think that at this point in our adoption/marriage/life journey I'd be the most patient person you've ever met.. like Ghandi or something...<br />
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lol.. ok sorry.. I just stopped and stared at that sentence and internally laughed for a minute. I am still SO impatient. I mean.. I get impatient with my impatience. I think it's safe to say this is a character trait that is not going to easily go away.. if it ever will. I'm the girl who is always ready to jump to action. I don't like to sit and wait, I don't like to "cultivate my character". I just want to be ready to go when I want to be ready and that's all there should be to it.<br />
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... but then there's the fact that I surrendered every aspect of this crazy life to God when I was 15 and so I don't always get to jump when I'm ready. A lot of times I get to sit and wait like the kid who has to go the doctor's before they can go to the toy store. This kid NEEDS to go to the Dr. but really WANTS to go to the toy store...<br />
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There's no news or updates on the adoption front other than we've been told there's some "maybe's" but those usually take months to find out the outcome so we are waiting. <br />
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There have been blessings as we wait. We had some health things raise their annoying heads over the last few months and we've had time to figure out the cause and how to take care of them. That would be way harder with littles... We've had time to work on business (both <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/WthLove" target="_blank">mine</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/stevedaydesign" target="_blank">his</a>) and get a little more grounded and we've had time to have a few freak outs along the way (really that's just mostly me).<br />
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I'm really ready for Spring. We had two days this past week that were glorious and it was a spring "teaser". All I did those days was work in the yard or <a href="http://pinterest.com/kathryn_n_day/yard-and-guest-house-ideas/" target="_blank">plan what I would do in the yard</a> when it got warmer. In the next month I'll be buying chickens!!! This is a dream that has been a long time coming and I can't wait! Since I'm also a girl who likes to plunge in over my head I also approached Steve about goats and a pig.. he wisely shook his head and walked away before I could continue :)... but they'd be so CUTE!<br />
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Anyways, all is well in the Day house. We're mostly waiting gracefully, excitedly planning for Spring and what's to come and singing our hearts out in the process! <br />
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Be Blessed!<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-50292651731744538012013-01-26T13:41:00.000-05:002013-01-26T13:41:25.676-05:00Around the Corner<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We're in this interesting phase of life where things are CONSTANTLY changing. In the last 2 months we've have 15+ people stay with us in some capacity and most recently had a friend and her two "spawn" as she likes to call them stay with us for two weeks. <br />
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So many things have happened.. my heart has been through so many emotions but I just haven't been in a place where I felt comfortable really diving into those at the moment... mostly because my life for the past 2 months has been very actively tied up in the struggles of others and I have no business talking about any of their issues. So I've stayed quiet. <br />
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In the past month at least I have gone from complete rage at being so mistreated by our former agency to depression over losing our girls and missing my A to seriously questioning God and asking if I'm even supposed to be a mom to finally rejoicing and resting in the fact that He is our hope and regardless of what children do or do not come into our lives that will not change..<br />
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... but I just have this feeling that they're coming. We finally finished our THIRD home study in as many years. We're approved and our social worker is actively searching for our babies.. but as any adoptive mama will tell you we don't do well just sitting. So on Thursday I asked if there was anything more we could do.. and there was.<br />
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So Thursday night I convinced Steve to sit with me and print out 122 profiles, hand address 122 envelopes and help me get ready to pretty much mail <strike>bomb</strike> can I say bomb?? every Social Services and Human Services Dept. in the state of VA. I mailed them all off yesterday with incredibly joy in my heart.. I even started telling everyone in the post office what we were doing because I was that overcome with the hope and joy that has taken over. <br />
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We are approved for up to 4 children and have chosen to consider ages 0-12. Does that sound crazy.. maybe a little.. but we like crazy. I'm aware that being open to 4 children creates intense opinions in everyone and that's ok.. just remember that we don't make decisions based on emotion and this has not been a quick process. We've had almost 3 years in this process to test ourselves, see our strengths and weaknesses and we don't make any decision lightly. With all that said we sure can use your prayers!<br />
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Speaking of praying I'm going to end with that. I am asking people to specifically pray for those 122 letters that have gone out. Pray they get into the right hands, pray for our social worker as she works on matches for us and most importantly pray our kiddos hearts will be insulated and protected and that they can not lose hope.<br />
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Mommy and Daddy are coming my loves. I truly believe our next chapter is right around the corner!</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-88387577047448393582012-12-27T11:06:00.000-05:002012-12-27T11:06:06.428-05:00Through the Storms<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Whoohoo I'm back and ready to write!! <br />
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It seems a tradition of sorts has begun in our home where the months of November and December become incredibly emotional in some way and we back off from our "normal" routine and just feel our way through it. <br />
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WELL December is almost over and I've had just about all the "feelin" I can take lol!<br />
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I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas holiday. We had many, many sweet moments with family and friends. I truly feel blessed this year. Even with all the pain we've experienced, I wouldn't change our life for a second.<br />
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One of my all time favorite moments of Christmas was Christmas day with my family. I don't know what it was about this year but suddenly we all liked each other, laughed a lot and enjoyed spending 4 DAYS together in some form. Christmas day was spent laughing, sharing our struggles through the last year and crying through some of them and giving gifts that actually made each other happy! It was a sweet time and I will forever cherish sitting and listening to my parents share about their past year and how God has brought them through. I learned that a girl always needs the wisdom of her daddy.. even when he has no idea he gave it and that family really is everything. <br />
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SO a large part of this blog is talking about adoption and I'm not going to disappoint this time around! November 7th was the day that our foster kids were taken from our home and we entered a tailspin of sorts <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(yet again)</span></i> as we tried to figure out what was next. There was a lot of grief at first that gave way to anger and in all honesty I'm still working through the anger side of it... but as my wise daddy said "the scriptures are what get you through the anger". So I'm going back to the scriptures and of course my daddy was and is right.<br />
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So through all of the muddled emotions we both began to separately see some HUGE issues with foster care <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(for us)</span></i> and we just didn't see how we could continue and didn't feel a peace about continuing. Those concerns really aren't something I'm ready to put out there to the cyber world.. but if you're seriously considering foster care and would like to talk through options we are always willing!<br />
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In the end we both came the agreement that adoption really is the best option for us. We need that stability and kids do to that being in one home can give. So on December 3rd we signed back up with Bethany Christian Services. We are still adopting through the state, still desire a sibling group and love the thought of older kids! We are so grateful for our time as foster parents because 1. it allowed us to meet our sweet A and that child will always be a part of our heart and 2. It trained us and took us through experiences we could NEVER have had simply waiting to be matched with children. So it was kindove like an intensive training session that kinda rips your heart out and reattaches it differently :).... a good different... a more compassionate, understanding and "I can take more than I thought" different!<br />
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So next week we complete our home study update with Bethany and re-enter the glorious <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(intense sarcasm here) </span></i>waiting phase that is so notorious for teaching your heart more than it wants to be taught!<br />
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We don't know what the wait will look like... it could be days or it could be years. All I know is THAT part of our life feels very peaceful and RIGHT. I'm still working through all the waves of emotion that come with leaving foster care so suddenly but even that is getting easier.<br />
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There was one day in the middle of all this pain that my human side just mentally screamed out that it was done and I wanted a "normal" life. I laugh at that now because this is normal. This is our normal and for all the pain, ups and downs, mis-understandings and loneliness that sometimes comes with it it's still our normal. Jesus asks us to follow him... he doesn't promise us it's going to be pretty or easy... he just promises to be with us always. That promise has been kept and so I gladly <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(most of the time) </span></i>embrace our "normal" and will keep holding on to him in the storms!<br />
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Be blessed!</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-42947513898846761282012-12-05T10:53:00.000-05:002012-12-05T10:53:05.925-05:00Woot.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's time for a bullet update because my brain is full of details and I need to get them OUT!<br />
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- I've missed blogging... BUT given the state my heart and mind have been in over the last few weeks I didn't trust myself to get on here and not spout off... still kinda testing the waters on that one :). <br />
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- My youngest sister is FINALLY home in the States and it's been so nice having all my siblings together to <strike>torture</strike>.. I mean enjoy time with! She's rocking her awesome wedding knowledge at David's Bridal so if you are in need of a dress go see her... seriously she. knows. weddings.<br />
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- Grief is a crazy thing... there are a lot of swings.. mood swings, life swings, park swings... ok I digress. It's been a little intense navigating all the feelings that have come up as a result of our little foray into the world of foster care. I can honestly say the last month to a month and a half have been a nightmare... but we're starting to wake up finally (which is why I can even write that).<br />
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- Knowing God has a plan and hearing about it are two TOTALLY different things. I say this with all the love in my little squishy heart but... "That sucks" is way more helpful than " God's got a plan" right now. If you've said that to us we love you and greatly appreciate the support... just sometimes you don't want anyone to try and fix your situation... you just want a hug, a bucket of wings and some friends to stand by your side while you wander your way through the pain... I know God has a plan, I fully believe that but right now it just hurts because it means that part of that plan was we'd feel this pain and well... that sucks. BUT I LOVE hearing that people are praying for us... that one never, never, never falls on deaf ears. <br />
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- We officially stepped down from foster care today. I cannot even begin going into the ordeal that we've seen unfold in front of us the last few weeks. There have been moments where I've asked, shouted and cried "God did we hear you wrong" in my heart.. but I still believe we were and are exactly where we are supposed to be. Our friend J commented the other day that we now have more "pre" parenting experience than anyone! We've had 6 kids come through our home in some capacity over the last year and each one has had different struggles, been in a different life stage and taught us some huge life lessons... like girls are gross... I don't know how that happens but they are way worse than boys... that still makes no sense to me!<br />
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- Steve took me on a date last night for the first time in 3 months. What did we do?? We went and got our tree, car danced, drank starbucks and ended the night standing on a dock just enjoying the silence that has become so hard to find. I've realized I don't care what we do as long as I have time with that man I'm ok... the last 3 months of almost no time to "get away" from it all... that's not gonna work anymore.<br />
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- Steve and I have committed to each other that we are going to write one song a week... whether it's a crap song or one you might actually hear doesn't matter... the point is it's time to start writing and see what comes of it. We've had a lot of requests for recorded songs over the last few years and it just hasn't happened because we didn't make it a priority... now we are... who know.. maybe you'll get some more awesome tunes like this one in the future!<br />
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- I don't know why it cut it in half but you can still hear it :)<br />
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- I've been hard at work developing new products for <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/WthLove" target="_blank">my shop</a> and it's been a lot of fun! One of my biggest sellers is the lip balms and this week they <a href="http://safecosmetics.org/article.php?id=831" target="_blank">released studies</a> about the levels of lead and other toxic materials that are in commercial lip products. It made me so grateful that from the beginning the purity of my products has been so important. It really does matter what you put on your body as much as what you put in it. Every product, whether it's lotions, balms or sprays goes straight into your blood stream through your pores. That's something to think about as you decide where to spend your money. Buy local, support small businesses and KNOW what's in your products! <br />
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Well I think that just about updates things. I'm off to get bedrooms ready because my bestie and her family descend in a bit to stay the night before they more to Hawaii tomorrow. I am heartbroken that she is leaving but so excited for this next step and a change of pace for them as a family<br />
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And THEN my awesome In-Laws (no sarcasm... I really do LOVE them!!) get here on Friday so there will be lots of family time and music related things going on in the next week.<br />
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Be Blessed!<br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" /></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-3024196648078903722012-11-26T08:00:00.000-05:002012-11-26T08:00:01.955-05:00Cyber Monday!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I'm taking a moment away from the normal topics of adoption, fostering, general moments of losing my mind and joyfully living out this life with Steve regardless of what comes. <br />
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I wanted to let YOU, my viral friends know that my <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/WthLove" target="_blank">Etsy Shop</a> is having a sale today! Everything in the store is 30% off!! Lip balms, Sugar and Salt scrubs, healing salves.. all reasonably priced and NOW 30% off! <br />
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Head over to my <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/WthLove" target="_blank">Etsy Shop</a> for some great options for Christmas presents!!</div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-26404708847945097692012-11-15T15:22:00.001-05:002012-11-15T15:22:34.000-05:00so we wait.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The truth of the matter is I don't want to be an example, inspire anyone or be commended for how well we've done... I just want to be a mom, love my kids, support my sexy, sexy husband and make some music as we go... that's it.<br />
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Somehow that hasn't been it though. Instead I feel like I fall from one heart breaking catastrophe to the next. It doesn't get easier.. we just learn to move through it better. My heart is so heavy and feels so defeated today. <br />
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I'm gonna just be honest here and whether it's too much or not it is what it is. I'm scared. We're in this awful place where we've been accused of something that isn't true by a woman who is a royal mess. We have been treated like we're criminals and that breaks my heart... the only thing we're guilty of is loving on those kids with all our heart and teaching them from our life experiences. I do not think we will continue with foster care after all of this... but honestly it's way to early to make that decision.<br />
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What I do know is it's one of the hardest times of year for us and things are getting hard again, money is extremely tight and once again I've hugged my littles and watched them drive off with the knowledge that it was the last time... I'm so tired.<br />
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I'm sorry if this is too honest today but I just don't have it in me to spin it. My house is a wreck because that's what I do when something this painful happens... I charge into 15 different projects and then 2 days in the grief takes over and I have to put it on hold while I heal... so I'm healing in a heap of laundry, and half painted rooms and it's just a little crazy...<br />
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At the same time we've now started pelting the heavens with questions or "what now?!?!?!? Didn't you lead us here God?? Is it all over now?? We've spent everything we saved to become foster parents so we just really don't see where we can go from here..... the money's run out.<br />
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so we wait. <br />
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You'd think we'd be pretty good at it by now but I can tell you from years and years of experience now that waiting doesn't get any easier. I'm quicker to take things to Him but it isn't any easier to wait on the response. <br />
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If you read this and think I've gone off the deep end or I'm in a hopeless place... just know my faith is still strong and I know that there's a plan.. I just can't see it through all the clouds, rain, storms and pain right now. <br />
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so we wait, and we are searching for that hope again... it'll come but today is a sad day.</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-77959980241790325032012-11-13T16:34:00.001-05:002012-11-13T17:58:51.414-05:00Called Me Higher<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Exactly 7 days ago Steve and I were sitting in our room asking ourselves how we could keep moving forward. We were so angry, hurt, frustrated and overwhelmed. We tried to pray but the hurt kept rising up and knocking us silent and so we silently waited. <br />
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24 hours later we sat in a silent house and wept. All three of our kids had just driven off in a confused heap of chaos and we were left with silence. The anger was gone. The hurt, frustration and general feelings of being overwhelmed were still going strong. We finally found the words to pray and it was simply.. "Jesus what is your will?"<br />
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It's now been a week and while I miss all three kids... this is SO different from when we said <a href="http://wthlove.blogspot.com/2011/12/chapter-3.html" target="_blank">goodbye to the twins almost a year ago</a>. I miss them, but I'm not devastated. <br />
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Foster care is this crazy balance between trying to create a family environment but still remembering that at any time they could leave. The state is in control and that can be maddening at times. The details really aren't important. The state simply decided they needed to move and so they did. <br />
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So what now? <br />
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Will we get them back? <i>I really don't think so.</i> Will we get more kids? <i>I really don't know. </i><br />
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I feel like we're back in the same holding pattern that we've been in for 5 years now. Each time we move forward we learn so much and I wouldn't change it for anything.. but sometimes it's hard not to feel just a little defeated. Sometimes it's hard not to question if it'll ever end. <br />
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I love change, but at this point I'm even ready for some kind of permanency in our life. I want to wake up and know that my kids aren't going anywhere. I want to know they are MY kids. At the same time I know that there is a huge need in the foster system... it's just so stinkin hard. <br />
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So there it is.. the truth is I am just weary and see SO much pain and SO much hurt and just don't know what to do with any of it.<br />
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And that is why we are waiting in hope on the Lord. He calls us to so much more but that doesn't mean it all happens at once. So I'm waiting, painting and cleaning my house. <br />
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There are worse things :)<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-61113268176374488672012-10-30T17:52:00.000-04:002012-10-30T17:52:27.936-04:00So Much More<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
His face was so weathered. I could tell there was a lot of pain held in that crippled, broken man. <br />
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My daughter walked up to me and said two simple words "he's hungry". Those two words carried a huge weight of responsibility and I felt it instantly. I quickly turned our growing brood around and we headed back inside to buy this man a meal. <br />
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Suddenly a stranger was walking up to my daughter and handing her $20 to pay for his meal... God see's his broken. <br />
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We bought him his meal, took it to him and quietly walked to the car. All of us a little shaken and sad... we had seen one more side of this broken, hurting world and it touched us all. <br />
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A few weeks ago I began to see a side of my daughters heart that aches for the hurting, homeless, broken, poor and abused. She cannot stand to see someone hurting and not do something about it. This instinct has challenged me in ways that honestly make me squirm a little. <br />
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God and I have had one sided discussions where I ask "We're already doing a lot right??" "We're already loving your orphans right???" The answer really was the silence of a loving Father who looks at his child with laughter in his eyes. I could feel the gentle laughter of my Father. It wasn't a joyful laughter.. more of the chuckle of one who can't believe they've really been asked that question... do I really think there will be a point where I'm done??? <br />
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I'm beginning to understand there is no end to the pain, hurting, loneliness and suffering of this world. The only way it gets better is with Jesus and SO many don't even understand who he is. <br />
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I'm beginning to see a stirring in our hearts... a desperation to not live a life that simply settles to be a little "extreme" in how our family looks... but instead to be sold out, over the top, pouring ourselves out until the only thing left is a spirit that is finally beginning to understand just a little of what suffering for His name truly looks like. <br />
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I want to be poured out. That terrifies me and brings me to tears as I'm writing it.. but in the midst of our crazy, painful, chaotic life we are very aware that this life is meaningless if it's even "mostly" about the jobs, money, cars, church functions, partys.. the list goes on.<br />
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There's nothing fanatical in this heart.. just a girl who has seen a glimpse of this Jesus and who desperately wants more.</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-8833411542428873672012-10-11T12:02:00.000-04:002012-10-11T12:02:21.560-04:00Where Do You Fit In???<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I watched her walk to the car as slowly as she could. I've heard this from other people, and am learning it in my own life, that kids who've had so much control taken from them their entire life will seek out ways to take it back. She could control making me wait for her and so she did.<br />
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I calmly waited for her, even acted like I didn't see her. She got in the car, put her headphones on and sat silently. I sent bullet prayers up to the heavens... you see in 45 minutes we had one of the most talented women I know coming to shoot some pictures of our sweet girls. This woman had donated her amazing skills and at that second I was seeing it all turn into a colossal failure.... then she told me she just wanted to wear her JROTC uniform for the pictures and the prayers became more frequent. <br />
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We got home and I went in side while she played on the driveway with little A. I paced, I fretted, I worried and prayed some more and then I got my answer... teach her what it is to be a girl... teach her what it is to be feminine... simply be willing to teach. <br />
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So I took my ipad out to the front yard and asked if I could show her something. I quickly pulled up past pictures this friend had taken and showed her just how special it was that she was willing to come and do this for us. As I talked about their clothes and how much we wanted to celebrate her turning 17 I could see the frustration and stress of the day slowly fade. I asked her if I could curl her hair and help her with the makeup (she's just starting to get interested in that), she said yes and my heart lept! This was progress!!<br />
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45 minutes later she was pretty in pink, posing in front of the mirror and ready for her picture to be taken. My heart melted as I watched her just be a girl for a few minutes. There was no worries about the future. There were no court dates, dr. appointments, therapists, social workers or case workers fogging everything up... she was just A and I loved every moment of it.<br />
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My friend Kristen from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/likeadreamphotography?fref=ts" target="_blank">Like a Dream Photography</a> came and took her and little A's pictures. She even took a few with the four of us and it was a very special and much needed moment of peace in the middle of this crazy, chaotic life that we lead. <br />
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I have been thinking back to the days leading up to bringing our girls home. During the months of preparation people would say things that made it clear how much fear there is surrounding foster care, adoption and taking in the orphan in any capacity. I remember strangers telling me foster kids would destroy my life. I was told that we just needed to never take a child older than 5. I was told a lot of things....<br />
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I guess what I'm trying to say is there is nothing easy about loving the unloved. There is nothing easy about bringing a child into your home that is so close to adulthood but who has very few life skills. There is nothing easy about helping someone raise a child who has no idea what a toddler needs... but I come back to the truth that we, the children of God, the heirs with Jesus, are called to nothing less than the hard, dirty, painful reality that is loving the unloved. I would NEVER go back to the life I had before... even the hard days where I find myself asking what we've done. <br />
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I am slowly getting to glimpse the reformation of a life that was broken, unloved, forgotten and cast aside. A life that was told over and over that she was worthless. I get to be the hands and feet of Jesus in her life and show her just how much she is loved and cherished...<br />
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We, the church and bride of Christ, should be doing nothing less. I guess I'm asking the question.. what is your hard thing? What is it that scares the mess out of you but also thrills you to no end because you know that in that scary, messy unknown is a beauty and redemption that is only found in completely and utterly depending on him. <br />
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I believe we're <b><u>all</u></b> called to minister to the orphan and the widow.. this will look different for every believer in Jesus... but we're still called.... <b>What is your role???</b></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-17220817868217037862012-10-08T19:55:00.000-04:002012-10-08T19:55:42.363-04:00Nothing Less Than Our All<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So many emotions have blasted their way through this house in the last two weeks. I'm learning Foster Parenting is similar to adoption in the fact that it's hurting children who need a family to love on them unconditionally but that's really where the similarities end. Foster care is ever changing. Our kids have case workers and social workers and a whole team of people behind the scenes that help decide every move. EVERY thing you do is documented. We have to update about emotional well being, acting out or not acting out, discipline.. the list is never ending. In the end we can love on these little ones and have them as our own but we don't have final say in what happens to them... and that took some getting used to.<br />
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I honestly have really come to appreciate A's case worker and social worker. They are both wonderful women who love the Lord and really care about what happens to A. We approach things totally different but it works because it provides a really well rounded team. <br />
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I'll be honest and say the last few weeks have been HARD for this mama. A and I have been working out what it looks like to both be mothers and yet have me as the final say in matters. There have been some pretty rough moments. There have been moments where I just went upstairs and sobbed. There have been moments where I questioned if this was and is really the path we're supposed to walk (the answer is yes btw!). BUT with all that hard stuff we are seeing real, lasting change take place. I'm seeing a young girl begin to understand what it is to care about her appearance (getting to play with make up with her is FUN). I'm seeing a young girl grow more and more into a mother. I'm seeing a young girl learn at the same time that it's ok to be a kid. The evidence of how far we've come is the fact that at this moment A is in the kitchen washing dishes (a consequence for something) and instead of a surly child, she's in there singing at the top of her lungs! It does this mama's heart good to hear.<br />
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All in all things are good. I have my moments or days that are SO isolating because I take care of little A during the day and she has some serious attachment issues. If someone isn't touching her then she won't sleep most of the time. I tried to just change this in the beginning (rookie move). I've since learned that it's just what she needs right now. It's frustrating at times and makes me want to scream at others but its for a season. So I will sit for 3-5 hours a day and simply hold this sweet, sweet baby. When I feel lonely or sad I just try to remember that there are so many of you that are praying for us and it's felt. Those prayers mean so much to us!<br />
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So that's the update on the foster front. We are falling more and more in love with our girls each and every day. It's not easy... not even kinda easy. It's the hardest thing we've ever done BUT I'm learning that serving Jesus requires nothing less. <br />
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Be Blessed!<br />
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And on a totally different note: Hop over to our <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/WthLove" target="_blank">Etsy Shop</a> and enjoy 10% off for the month of October with the coupon FALL2012!!</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-42152015925556017452012-09-25T19:25:00.000-04:002012-09-25T19:25:19.431-04:00Days Like This...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I feel like a maid today. I'm so tired of the rolled eyes, snappy comebacks, endless snarky remarks and silent battles that have made up today. I love my little family, unique traits and all. I love seeing healing begin, truth setting in, hope springing to life and real change peeking it's head out of dark corners... but today.. today has been hard.<br />
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It has been nearly a month since I've written. Well, it's been nearly a month since I've written anything down. I've written posts over and over but never had a moment to sit and get them out. I know this is just a season and as things go I'll get the hang of it more but man is this HARD. Let me explain...<br />
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My youngest daughter is 16.. well she's my only daughter right now. I am 29 and currently a grandmother. This is a CRAZY concept for me. My granddaughter is the age you would expect my children to be.. so you can betcha that that plays with my head off and on. <br />
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A, my 16 year old, wants to be a mother.. but she has no idea what that means. She also wants to be a kid.. but she has no idea what that means. There is this constant battle raging inside of her. Since I am the mother figure in this home she both looks to me for guidance and deeply resents me for playing that role. The resentment is fear and I get that but there are days like today where I just want a happy day.. just one!<br />
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I remember being a teenager (it wasn't very long ago) and that battle in me. I wanted to be an adult but I also desperately wanted to be a kid. I remember that war , a constant tug of war with my mom (sorry mom).<br />
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I've had so many moments over that last few weeks that were "aha moments". Times when I will be driving down the road and suddenly I'll think... man, I did this to my mom or ... I'm so sorry mom I was a punk. I have not said that to her in person but I will mom, I will!<br />
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The last 3 1/2 weeks have been spent crazily navigating the angry waters that are a teenager. The difference is mine comes with a lot of baggage that I didn't create but I AM responsible for teaching her how to deal with it in a healthy way... and that has me shaking in my boots some days.<br />
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When it's all said and done though I love my girl with all my heart. I cannot imagine life without her bubbly, moody, spirited, crazy self. She has swooped in and totally captured our hearts and we are fully aware of the responsibility that has been placed on our shoulders. We have been given the honor of helping break a family cycle... and nothing pisses the devil off more that redeemed lives free from bondage.<br />
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I can tell you that this is the hardest, most challenging, gut wrenching and soul stretching thing I have ever done... but it is even more redeeming, purifying, humbling, breaking me low so I see my need... I would have it no other way... although sometimes my flesh cries out something different.<br />
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I will love this girl with all my heart.. even if she rips my heart to shreds. I will pray and pour into her... even if she laughs in my face. I will serve her over and over again... even if she chooses to see me as less that her. <br />
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I have been brought low and humbled but all it's done is remind me that I am powerless without the cross. I am worthless when I depend on my own flesh. I am a mess that can barely keep it together when "together" is my plan. BUT when I take that powerless, worthless, wretch of a person and put it back in his hands again and again He lifts me up, sends people to my side, reminds me that I'm not alone and gives me glimpses of the change that is happening... even when I can't see it for all the pain we are wading through.<br />
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Loving the orphan is impossibly hard... but as his child I am called to nothing less.<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-67907286684982798452012-08-31T11:54:00.000-04:002012-08-31T21:39:13.321-04:00It's Here!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This is a crazy day. I woke up not feeling well, my teenager woke up cranky and then proceeded to talk to her friends on the phone and say things that made me feel taken advantage of (trying to be honest and then also let that one go and just love hard) and I have a ton of things to think through and get ready so that I can officially open for business tomorrow! <br />
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I am SO excited about that last part!! This has been a dream and idea for a long time and Steve and I just had to stop and say a prayer of thanks last night as we held the finished product in our hands. <br />
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This last month has been a crazy, crazy time full of becoming parents, deciding to start a business, preparing for that business, losing our minds and just trying to keep moving forward when I don't want to take another step.<br />
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The <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/WthLove" target="_blank">With Love Etsy Shop</a> officially opens tomorrow and we will have 5 salves for sale and 3 massage oils to start! <br />
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They are:<br />
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I can't believe this day has come and now I need to keep moving, dealing with a teenager with a crappy attitude and praying for peace through this day. <br />
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Be blessed!</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-7201854058080712712012-08-30T12:23:00.000-04:002012-08-30T12:23:57.133-04:00.. choosing my battles<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm battling frustration today. I KNOW the 1 year old needs a nap. I KNOW she's going to go crazy in about 2 hours RIGHT in the middle of the time I will have her... BUT her mom wants her up. She can't stand to hear her cry and I understand. She's 16, she doesn't have the understanding or maturity or experience to understand that the baby needs sleep and to eat at regular times. So today I'm stepping back and letting her take care of the baby... it's hard though... that 1 year old sure knows what buttons to push.<br />
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Yesterday was a GREAT day! We started off the morning with A. and I having a talk about attitude (pretty sure I mentioned that <a href="http://wthlove.blogspot.com/2012/08/battling-hard-things.html" target="_blank">yesterday</a> but I'm too lazy to check). I was prepared for anything after that talk but she was perfectly pleasant. She got her hair done and it looked amazing... I mean it better after 8 hours. She was so happy and we were happy seeing her light up.<br />
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Last night Steve and I slipped off for a few hours and had dinner with our dear friends Melissa and Dave. They are one of our couples that just gets where we're at because they are in a similar place. We don't have to explain things.. we just catch up and talk. It was a much needed time to decompress and vent some things we can't just put "out there". <br />
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I had to stop in the middle of writing this to attend to a few things and my heart kept getting more and more aggravated because I just selfishly wanted quiet right now. Slowly my eyes were opened though to realize that A. is walking around the house singing and dancing.. her heart is light today (even though she had a job interview today and didn't get the job) and then when I asked her to feed her daughter she went right into the kitchen, got the food ready and then PRAYED with her over the food.<br />
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This melted my heart and reminded me that I am so imperfect and so ill equipped for this job. The AMAZING thing though is that my Jesus has this. So in my imperfection, sin and selfishness he is still able to work and create something beautiful in that sweet, sweet 16 year old.<br />
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Praying for grace as I continue to learn... </div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-35270031024604095532012-08-29T11:32:00.000-04:002012-08-29T11:32:31.309-04:00Battling the Hard Things<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The baby and I are battling out nap time right now... so much fun in the Day house!!! You know you wanna come over and enjoy the screams.. well it's more like yelling actually :)<br />
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The past 6 days threw me for a loop. I've been in a tailspin and just now feel like I'm getting my feet on the ground and can write about it. <br />
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We got a call on Thursday of last week asking if we could come pick up the girls that day. We were shocked and rushed to get ready... but we actually ended up picking them up Friday evening. Friday night was HARD as we saw firsthand what being a teenager in foster care can actually look like. These kids are in such a hard situation where they have to grow up fast and sometimes that means they get hard at the same time. Thankfully A. isn't hard but we saw glimpses of what could happen if people don't pour into her.<br />
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All of last weekend was a huge adjustment for me. My body literally shut down from the stress and shock and I found myself crying on the porch late at night, taking naps (which I NEVER do) and just staying silent. I prayed a lot, talked with Steve a lot and had some great friends who just listened while I processed everything that was going on. <br />
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Finally on Sunday I began to feel like I was getting my bearings back. It seemed like we were all settling into what we had been before and everything was going to be fine... nope. You see, I had a hard lesson coming my way... I am not her friend and she cannot see me as one. When she was with us before it was short term so our goal was to love hard, have fun and pour into her. Those are still our goals now BUT we also have to set boundaries, guidelines and rules... and then enforce them. <br />
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Monday night we had a family meeting and let her know the rules while she is with us. Now please realize we are new at this and so our rules and chores etc will change dramatically as we go. They were SO laid back and not a big deal at all. We all left that meeting thinking things were going to sail on with no issues... WRONG.<br />
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Yesterday my best friend and I decided on a whim that we were going to take all the kids to DC and eat at this really neat pizza shop, see some sites and get some awesome cupcakes. A. was excited and we were all ready for an adventure. Well... then the baby screamed for the last hour of the ride and her mama shut down so by the time we got there I had a hungry, grumpy baby and a teenager who would not acknowledge anything. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this is the face I make when I'm beyond frustrated and I'm trying to fake it...</td></tr>
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We arrive at the pizza place after a 20 min. parking adventure that included me scaring the living daylights out of a car in front of me and to our shock they are CLOSED. In our excitement we NEVER thought for a second that they wouldn't open for lunch. So Mya and I quickly regroup and head across the street to a hamburger place and that is where I payed 20 dollars for a teenager to eat a hamburger... ugh.<br />
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So after a <strike>expensive</strike> delicious lunch we headed out with the plan of going to the mall and walking around to see the monuments. On the way there A. heard some news from her family and shut down completely. I mean would not engage, would not even respond. Yay us!<br />
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So we start driving to go see the <strike>big pencil</strike> Monument and CANNOT GET THERE to save our lives. We drove all over that stinkin' city and both our GPS' kept sending us on a wild goose chase. FINALLY after what felt like an hour we arrived only to drive around for another 30 minutes finding somewhere to park. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LECFTWLFFWk/UD40JiY3wLI/AAAAAAAAB-s/ih2E03ypvGw/s1600/431465_10151185268204462_1604100302_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LECFTWLFFWk/UD40JiY3wLI/AAAAAAAAB-s/ih2E03ypvGw/s320/431465_10151185268204462_1604100302_n.jpg" width="238" /></a>At this point all the kids were about to come out of their skin because they were so tired of being in the car and so were we. We decided to just walk and that is what we did. I am SO glad we did because it was while we were walking that I was able to gain some perspective and make the decision that A. was not going to ruin the day just because she wasn't happy. <br />
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We ended up finding this great fountain in the middle of the sculpture garden. It was amazing and you could put your feet in and just relax. We soaked up the peace and calm of it and didn't even try to see anything else. <br />
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After awhile we realized it was already 5pm and we needed to keep going. We headed off and got our cupcakes and everyone was finally happy! We didn't get home until 10:30pm and our teenager never once said a kind thing, thank you or acknowledged all the work BUT Mya and I decided that we were going to be positive and just laugh.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--5JNX4lDhEs/UD40KHpe4yI/AAAAAAAAB-0/OhZDvua_G84/s1600/556535_10151185268699462_1661798182_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--5JNX4lDhEs/UD40KHpe4yI/AAAAAAAAB-0/OhZDvua_G84/s320/556535_10151185268699462_1661798182_n.jpg" width="238" /></a> I woke up this morning with an entirely new attitude towards fostering. These kids are hurting, lonely and don't know how to express those things. I understand that but will not accept poor behavior just because they don't like something. A. and I had a discussion this morning (and by that I mean I talked and she listened). I made it clear that yesterday could not happen again, how much we love her and how much we want good things for her. I got no response but I just keep having all the advice marching through my head that all you wise women gave me on facebook. The biggest thing was "teenagers need and want boundaries" and boy did we start setting them today!<br />
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I never thought I would have a 16 year old when I was 29 and I can say with all honesty that there have been moments where I wonder what we did BUT every time Jesus uses something to gently remind me that there is something beautiful about caring for the orphan.. it's not a beauty that is neatly wrapped and presented all shiny and new... it's a beauty that is slowly unveiled in the days, months and years of faithfully wiping away the grim, dirt, pain, lies and deceit that builds up in these little hearts. I have not ENJOYED these last 6 days but I feel FULFILLED knowing I am doing kingdom work.<br />
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May we all focus on the right things and not the easy things this week! Be Blessed!<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164445779748496621.post-10834607754828654922012-08-24T08:48:00.000-04:002012-08-24T08:48:15.329-04:00Updates and Ponderings <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dVZ2tKCPuj8/UDd2OQSRClI/AAAAAAAAB9w/h3RXICVq9kU/s1600/DSC_0191.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dVZ2tKCPuj8/UDd2OQSRClI/AAAAAAAAB9w/h3RXICVq9kU/s200/DSC_0191.JPG" width="200" /></a>We get to become a family of 4 again today. I am so excited!! Last Saturday was what we thought would be our last night with A. and her daughter. I told her my hope and prayer was that by Friday (today) something would have happened so they could come back and live with us. I LOVE that Jesus saw fit to answer that and do it in a way so she can see that he answers, he cares about her and he is REAL!<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hWwIWMVABu8/UDd2Rp9xgnI/AAAAAAAAB94/ZOwGQ27jOdM/s1600/DSC_0165.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hWwIWMVABu8/UDd2Rp9xgnI/AAAAAAAAB94/ZOwGQ27jOdM/s200/DSC_0165.JPG" width="200" /></a>I would like to point out that I have some of the greatest friends in the world! When I was younger I always prayed that God would bring me godly women who would love me for me and not what I could give them or do for them. Over the last 2 years he's brought people into my life, restored relationships and deepened others and I feel so blessed. I learned a very important lesson that if the only people in your life are ones you serve and you help out but who never give back then you will be a very lonely person. <br />
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When I began to open up, allow people to know what needs I had and actually expect people who called themselves my friends to be a part of things my relationships changed dramatically. <br />
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A HUGE shout out to my bestie Mya for coming over yesterday when I was in a panic. She cleaned my house so I could shower... because at that moment we thought I was two hours away from the girls coming back and my house was TRASHED!! There are so many other women who have loved on these girls, supported and listened to me process and who have just let me know they're waiting in the wings if I should need anything. That has made me feel LOVED beyond imagine!<br />
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I also want to thank everyone who has let us know they are praying for us. The last two years of adoption stuff, losing kids, switching gears and finally beginning to foster has been so hard. We have seen our faith tested more than we thought possible, our marriage was hit and hit hard and we had to come face to face with our fears and decide if we really believed that God is enough no matter what. <br />
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Well I can say He is enough. No matter what has come He has been enough. When we had no direction other than God said to love, he was enough. When we began the adoption journey and changed courses a million times in the first 6 months, he was enough. When we lost our daughters and felt like our world had ended, he was enough. And now, as we enter the world of foster care, he is enough. This is the most unstable, ever changing, no security, restless way to have a family and yet we LOVE it. It's painful and hard. But how cool to be the hands and feet that get to show what redemption and undeserved love look like. How cool to bring these kids in, have them be ours for however long they are with us and speak Jesus over them. <br />
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I have been criticized in the past that these kids aren't my only ministry. I've been told I need to be pouring as much into the adults that cross my path and giving as much to them. My response to this has been if the Lord brings us together I will do my best to pour in what I can... BUT my mission and purpose for this phase of my life is absolutely to be there and minister to these children. I believe the gospel is shared through living your faith and speaking the truth and my job right now is to teach these little ones who He is and how much He loves them. If that means I don't get to hang out with people my age as much... so be it. If it means that I'm at home instead of at an outreach.. so be it. As best we can we want to show our kids a life of service and a life lived for Christ. We will take them with us as we minister... when that is what they need.<br />
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This also means finding a balance and I fully understand that... but having kids who are coming out of intense situations requires more of you and so I'm aware that I won't always be able to go out ... that just means you have to come to me :)<br />
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In all of this it's a learning process. I'm trusting that the Lord will bring people into my path when he needs to to be a part of theirs.. but please.. if you have strong opinions about how we should or should not be ministering we respectfully ask for grace as we figure things out and love to cover anything we may screw up... because we absolutely will mis-step and we will make bad decisions... but that's part of life and how we learn. <br />
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So now I'm going to finish breakfast, put some last minute things together and get ready to bring my girls home for as long as they're able to be here. This will be a weekend full of family time, an awesome beach party and the kick off Sunday for <a href="http://www.catalyst-church.org/events/event/6/sunday-worship---the-circuit/2012-08-05" target="_blank">Catalyst Church</a>. If you're in the Hampton Roads area and are looking for a place to worship that is laid back and come as you are we'd love to see you at 10:30am! There are amazing home made goodies... not that I'm trying to bribe you or anything...ok maybe I am :)<br />
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Be blessed by friends!<br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12593331065369501411noreply@blogger.com0