In all things, love.
I'm sitting here at our kitchen table (that I've completely moved around in the last 24 hrs) watching my sweet O.P.M. was the dishes and I just can't believe I get to be her mama.
We're in the stage where she's about to get her learner's permit and learning what her identity looks like outside of the adults in her life. It's a joy to watch unfold.
Tomorrow marks 4 months since she permanently moved in with us. I wish I could say it's been a breeze since that first day.. but I cannot tell a lie. We've watched an amazing, sweet, smart and sassy child go through many stages of grief.. and we've been in the trenches with her.
We've dealt with questions about abandonment, loss, death, beauty, relationships, self-image... the list goes on. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I'd be prepared for these things, for those hard questions. God has been so faithful though. Each time I'd get hit with a "Why does everyone leave me?" or "Did my mother ever really love me?" God has been faithful to put the words in my mouth.
Through all the pain I've watched God very specifically move to get Sam the things she needed and to lovingly teach Steve and I how to be parents to this precious child. She humbles me (sometimes more than I want), she forces me to really look at my motives and actions, she questions... she makes me better.
Recently we've started to see things "settle" a bit.. if that is the right word for it. OPM is starting to trust us more, fight correction less and LAUGH a lot. I love listening to her laugh because it hints at the healing that is daily taking place in her heart.
Because of how many mothers she's had in our life it's been a pretty rough road these last few months. Every abandonment, hurt, question or bad memory would visit itself on me as if I had been the one to inflict them. I wish I could say I was the vision of mercy. I wish I could say I laughed each painful accusation, harsh word or look off and moved on with my day... but I'm human. There were tears, there were moments of exhaustion and times where I just didn't respond well. We made it through though. Steve was our peacemaker. He was able to swoop in, cut through the emotion and somehow make us both feel heard and no less important. I am constantly reminded how important that "two becoming one" thing really is.
Steve has starting asking us each week what God is teaching us, how he's teaching us it and how we can support each other as we learn. As a family we've been reading through 1st, 2nd and 3rd John. The theme of Love is through the whole Bible but in those books it's literally SHOUTED from every page. As we've read, we've been confronted with our own selfish natures and had to really wrestle with ways we can love our brother. I'm so grateful God is teaching us this right now. He's challenging my heart to look past my wants and meet the needs of those he's put in my life. He's challenging me to love my child the way SHE needs to be loved and now how I FEEL like loving. He's challenging me to quietly bless my husband with that 3rd cup of coffee, even though the hippie in me cringes. Putting others first doesn't come naturally to any of us but with every step forward I see a little more Jesus in my house and for that I'm grateful!
And now, I've must help wrangle the dish situation currently going on in the kitchen... it's getting a little out of hand ...
... mama out!
We're in the stage where she's about to get her learner's permit and learning what her identity looks like outside of the adults in her life. It's a joy to watch unfold.
Tomorrow marks 4 months since she permanently moved in with us. I wish I could say it's been a breeze since that first day.. but I cannot tell a lie. We've watched an amazing, sweet, smart and sassy child go through many stages of grief.. and we've been in the trenches with her.
We've dealt with questions about abandonment, loss, death, beauty, relationships, self-image... the list goes on. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I'd be prepared for these things, for those hard questions. God has been so faithful though. Each time I'd get hit with a "Why does everyone leave me?" or "Did my mother ever really love me?" God has been faithful to put the words in my mouth.
Through all the pain I've watched God very specifically move to get Sam the things she needed and to lovingly teach Steve and I how to be parents to this precious child. She humbles me (sometimes more than I want), she forces me to really look at my motives and actions, she questions... she makes me better.
Recently we've started to see things "settle" a bit.. if that is the right word for it. OPM is starting to trust us more, fight correction less and LAUGH a lot. I love listening to her laugh because it hints at the healing that is daily taking place in her heart.
Because of how many mothers she's had in our life it's been a pretty rough road these last few months. Every abandonment, hurt, question or bad memory would visit itself on me as if I had been the one to inflict them. I wish I could say I was the vision of mercy. I wish I could say I laughed each painful accusation, harsh word or look off and moved on with my day... but I'm human. There were tears, there were moments of exhaustion and times where I just didn't respond well. We made it through though. Steve was our peacemaker. He was able to swoop in, cut through the emotion and somehow make us both feel heard and no less important. I am constantly reminded how important that "two becoming one" thing really is.
Steve has starting asking us each week what God is teaching us, how he's teaching us it and how we can support each other as we learn. As a family we've been reading through 1st, 2nd and 3rd John. The theme of Love is through the whole Bible but in those books it's literally SHOUTED from every page. As we've read, we've been confronted with our own selfish natures and had to really wrestle with ways we can love our brother. I'm so grateful God is teaching us this right now. He's challenging my heart to look past my wants and meet the needs of those he's put in my life. He's challenging me to love my child the way SHE needs to be loved and now how I FEEL like loving. He's challenging me to quietly bless my husband with that 3rd cup of coffee, even though the hippie in me cringes. Putting others first doesn't come naturally to any of us but with every step forward I see a little more Jesus in my house and for that I'm grateful!
And now, I've must help wrangle the dish situation currently going on in the kitchen... it's getting a little out of hand ...
... mama out!
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