Waiting No Matter What
I have 12 people coming over tonight... I should be cleaning but instead I felt God leading me back here.. to write. This past weekend I went to an adoption retreat. It was a time for my mom to learn a little about the adoption world and meet people who are much further in the process and it was a time for me to just rest and listen.
While I was there God really showed himself as the Lord of my life. I mean I heard from him, he moved in my heart, moved in circumstances and encounters and showed himself to be alive and working.
You see I grew up in church, I know the language and the traditions. I can hide pain with the best of them and work a program until I'm exhausted and can't see straight. I know the "works" of faith. But this past weekend God showed me what it was to sit in his presence, to listen and to revel in his love for me.
One of the session leaders made the statement "God's not mad at you, he loves you and just wants to spend time with you". That really made me stop and realize that a lot of times I put my conditional experience with love onto the Lord. If I've messed up for a few days that he's going to love me but be a little peeved with me.. SO not the case.
While I was at the conference I got the privilege of meeting God in creative ways I had never thought of. You always hear "read your Bible and pray every day". Well these women modeled for me an entirely new way of looking at time with Christ. It's a time of continual renewal, a time of leaving my burdens at his feet and listening as he gently directs and guides me with scripture, it's a time of creativity as I paint or mold what his love looks like and how he loves me.
Since I've been home things have been crazy and emotional. We are in this stage of waiting. Everything in our life is in limbo. If you know me well you know patience is something I have to prep myself for so it doesn't come naturally. I like to barrel ahead and get things done.. paint the whole house at once, not room by room. Well since December it feels like everything has slowed to the crawl of a wounded man who can barely move.
There are days where things are great but overall right now it's a struggle. I'm not talking about being depressed or marriage problems or anything.. I'm overall happy and Steve is amazing. It's a struggle to know that things are changing, our hearts are changing and we are being moved but that it's just not time yet. This girl is chomping at the bit but for some reason God is still saying "wait". We've been married for 7 years and desiring children for almost all of those but still we hear "wait".
I don't doubt God's goodness, I don't doubt his time. I've recently watched my dear friend welcome home her third child and the glorious thing I've seen is all that time she waited, all those tears I knew she cried and I cried for her.. they are all forgotten in the light of her holding her son. I know that day is coming for us and I am ready.. well I think I am but apparently God is not done with me yet in this stage..
and so we wait..
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While I was there God really showed himself as the Lord of my life. I mean I heard from him, he moved in my heart, moved in circumstances and encounters and showed himself to be alive and working.
You see I grew up in church, I know the language and the traditions. I can hide pain with the best of them and work a program until I'm exhausted and can't see straight. I know the "works" of faith. But this past weekend God showed me what it was to sit in his presence, to listen and to revel in his love for me.
One of the session leaders made the statement "God's not mad at you, he loves you and just wants to spend time with you". That really made me stop and realize that a lot of times I put my conditional experience with love onto the Lord. If I've messed up for a few days that he's going to love me but be a little peeved with me.. SO not the case.
While I was at the conference I got the privilege of meeting God in creative ways I had never thought of. You always hear "read your Bible and pray every day". Well these women modeled for me an entirely new way of looking at time with Christ. It's a time of continual renewal, a time of leaving my burdens at his feet and listening as he gently directs and guides me with scripture, it's a time of creativity as I paint or mold what his love looks like and how he loves me.
Since I've been home things have been crazy and emotional. We are in this stage of waiting. Everything in our life is in limbo. If you know me well you know patience is something I have to prep myself for so it doesn't come naturally. I like to barrel ahead and get things done.. paint the whole house at once, not room by room. Well since December it feels like everything has slowed to the crawl of a wounded man who can barely move.
There are days where things are great but overall right now it's a struggle. I'm not talking about being depressed or marriage problems or anything.. I'm overall happy and Steve is amazing. It's a struggle to know that things are changing, our hearts are changing and we are being moved but that it's just not time yet. This girl is chomping at the bit but for some reason God is still saying "wait". We've been married for 7 years and desiring children for almost all of those but still we hear "wait".
I don't doubt God's goodness, I don't doubt his time. I've recently watched my dear friend welcome home her third child and the glorious thing I've seen is all that time she waited, all those tears I knew she cried and I cried for her.. they are all forgotten in the light of her holding her son. I know that day is coming for us and I am ready.. well I think I am but apparently God is not done with me yet in this stage..
and so we wait..
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Eyre Family... neither can we :)