Switching Gears... Again
We are in this season of life where God is busting through our ideas, beliefs, practices and routines and really asking us some tough questions. Last night I laid in bed with my mind racing about all the things we spend our money on. Each thing I thought about I could think of a reason why we did or did not need it and in the end I was frazzled. I finally woke Steve up and we sleepily had a conversation about money, life, purpose... you know... NORMAL 2am talk.
We didn't come to any conclusions last night other than we really need to be praying, seeking God and listening attentively for him to speak. He has already been so clear in each step of this very winding journey.
Looking back over the last two years I think it's easy to look at our choices and say we make a lot of them off the cuff or that we seem all over the place. First it's international adoption, then a domestic baby, then it's toddlers, then older children. But to me I see an intentional progression of learning and walking through each door as it opens.
We have no idea where this road will lead us but we both know we are going to keep moving forward no matter how painful, confusing and long it is. We've accepted that our life will look crazy to many and that without an understanding of this God we serve it does look crazy. But we don't serve a God who does things half-way. We serve a God who designs adventures for his children. We serve a God who know's our passions because he CREATED them. We serve a God who knows our fears, wishes, and hopes and gently molds the ones that are a little off until they are in line with his.
That being said Steve and I are switching gears a little bit. After a lot of prayer, talking with some close friends in similar situations and discussion we are switching agencies. Bethany is an amazing agency and they do a great job with infant adoption! We, however, are headed towards older child adoption and that is a newer area for Bethany. So we are parting on good terms.
We have recently submitted paperwork and are on a waiting list to begin training with a local agency that specializes in adoption through the state and foster system. We have done a lot of research and feel confident that they are the ones to help us move forward. Once we move off the waiting list we have a 3 week training class and then complete a home study with them. This will take a month or two most likely and then we will wait to be matched.
Steve and I's heart has greatly been moved for the need within the foster system. When we went into this adoption journey we thought we knew where we would come out on the other side but God has clearly and dramatically changed our hearts.
We now know we desire to bring home more than one child immediately. This may sounds crazy but remember we've already done that once and loved every minute of it. From the beginning we never felt comfortable with bringing home one child when there were and are so many sibling groups that risk separation simply because there's more than one of them. We are excited and are trying to wait patiently for everything to unfold.
Several weeks ago, during a particularly hard time, I felt God very clearly impress on me that he could not give me children, or any blessing with my hands so tightly clenched around what I already had. I knew at that moment that I needed to have an open hand with everything in my life. How can God give me a child when I'm so focused on the pain of losing another? How can he fill my empty hands when I continue to fill them with what "I" think is important? Don't I trust that He has a plan? Don't I trust that He knows my kids right now and knows that they are who we need? At that moment I began the process of letting go of my expectations and ideas of what my family will look like.
That same night I called my mom to talk through some things that had happened that day. As we were talking she began to tell me how she has been praying for Steve and I. She told me she had been praying that God would give us open hands to accept whatever he brought to us. My heart skipped a beat. My mom had been praying the exact thing I heard from God. It humbled me that he allowed me to see kinda behind the curtain on that one. I honestly believe he prompted my mom to pray that prayer so I would hear those words from him at the right time.
I love this Jesus I serve!
Be Blessed.
We didn't come to any conclusions last night other than we really need to be praying, seeking God and listening attentively for him to speak. He has already been so clear in each step of this very winding journey.
Looking back over the last two years I think it's easy to look at our choices and say we make a lot of them off the cuff or that we seem all over the place. First it's international adoption, then a domestic baby, then it's toddlers, then older children. But to me I see an intentional progression of learning and walking through each door as it opens.
We have no idea where this road will lead us but we both know we are going to keep moving forward no matter how painful, confusing and long it is. We've accepted that our life will look crazy to many and that without an understanding of this God we serve it does look crazy. But we don't serve a God who does things half-way. We serve a God who designs adventures for his children. We serve a God who know's our passions because he CREATED them. We serve a God who knows our fears, wishes, and hopes and gently molds the ones that are a little off until they are in line with his.
That being said Steve and I are switching gears a little bit. After a lot of prayer, talking with some close friends in similar situations and discussion we are switching agencies. Bethany is an amazing agency and they do a great job with infant adoption! We, however, are headed towards older child adoption and that is a newer area for Bethany. So we are parting on good terms.
We have recently submitted paperwork and are on a waiting list to begin training with a local agency that specializes in adoption through the state and foster system. We have done a lot of research and feel confident that they are the ones to help us move forward. Once we move off the waiting list we have a 3 week training class and then complete a home study with them. This will take a month or two most likely and then we will wait to be matched.
Steve and I's heart has greatly been moved for the need within the foster system. When we went into this adoption journey we thought we knew where we would come out on the other side but God has clearly and dramatically changed our hearts.
We now know we desire to bring home more than one child immediately. This may sounds crazy but remember we've already done that once and loved every minute of it. From the beginning we never felt comfortable with bringing home one child when there were and are so many sibling groups that risk separation simply because there's more than one of them. We are excited and are trying to wait patiently for everything to unfold.
Several weeks ago, during a particularly hard time, I felt God very clearly impress on me that he could not give me children, or any blessing with my hands so tightly clenched around what I already had. I knew at that moment that I needed to have an open hand with everything in my life. How can God give me a child when I'm so focused on the pain of losing another? How can he fill my empty hands when I continue to fill them with what "I" think is important? Don't I trust that He has a plan? Don't I trust that He knows my kids right now and knows that they are who we need? At that moment I began the process of letting go of my expectations and ideas of what my family will look like.
That same night I called my mom to talk through some things that had happened that day. As we were talking she began to tell me how she has been praying for Steve and I. She told me she had been praying that God would give us open hands to accept whatever he brought to us. My heart skipped a beat. My mom had been praying the exact thing I heard from God. It humbled me that he allowed me to see kinda behind the curtain on that one. I honestly believe he prompted my mom to pray that prayer so I would hear those words from him at the right time.
I love this Jesus I serve!
Be Blessed.
Comments
Been thinking about you and everything that's going on a lot lately! <3