Mother's Day

I remember two years ago sitting on the stage as babies were dedicated on Mother's day.  I remember choking back the tears as Pastor Grant prayed for those new mothers and then he did my favorite part... he prayed for those who desired a family. I have loved and appreciated that about our pastor since day one.  He has not forgotten those who were waiting.  This year I sat on that stage and watched the parents dedicate their precious children to the Lord.  I watched and prayed with the pastor as he prayed for the parents as they raise these babies and I rejoiced as he prayed for those who are waiting.  There were no tears this year... well not sad ones because I am a mother.  "Wait... What? ... Did She Just Say MOTHER???" Yes.  I am a mother.  This is a concept that I am learning is very hard for some to understand.  I don't get upset when people don't understand but I wanted to share my heart here.

I consider myself a mother.  As much as a woman who is pregnant and carrying a child is considered a mother.  In adoption there are just as many emotions as there are in pregnancy.  I have done both so I can say this.  No my baby didn't go to term but I felt the emotions of it and I know what it felt like.  In some ways this is harder for me... ok in a lot of ways.  I have to sit back and put it completely in God's hands and trust that he is providing the money for this adoption.  I have to put my babies in his hands and know He is the ONLY one that can know their details right now.  He can protect them and their birth mom.  He can form them in his image.  He knows them inside out.  I can do none of those things but I seem to think I can sometimes.  I get worried and stressed and cry and wonder about them.  I pray they are safe.  I pray for their birth mom.  I pray that Steve and I will be strong... that our marriage will be strong and that we will trust in Jesus through this whole process.  I'm learning a lot about prayer... my prayers don't even have words anymore it's more my heart.  

So you can see I am a mom.  Not in the sense that my kids are home yet but I love these little ones like they came from me.  I love them so much and miss them.  I think about them and dream about them.  I think about the sleepless nights when they get home and dread them while also feeling like I can't wait.

On Mother's Day Steve and some of my closest friends gave me a wonderful, wonderful gift. I had no idea and was completely caught off guard.  At the end of the second service I was sitting by the stage talking to some of my friends kids and loving on them.  Suddenly I realize they are all standing in a circle staring at me.  I still really don't think much of it but suddenly Steve is in the center of the circle with a long, black box.  I got all giddy thinking "how sweet he got me a gift".  Well it went beyond that... so beyond.  I opened the box and there is a beautiful charm bracelet with one charm on it (he later told me the stone in it stands for rebirth... how perfect!) As I'm looking at it, admiring it suddenly my oldest friend pops up and hands me another box "this will go well with that" she says.  I open it up to find another charm for my bracelet.  Suddenly my OTHER friend pulls a box from behind her bag and there's ANOTHER charm.  Lastly the last of these dear, sweet, wonderful women hands me the last and final charm.  I am at that point in tears.... really I was bawling. I have never been on the receiving end of something so spontaneous and loving.  All three of those women are wonderful, amazing mothers.  They have taught me so much about being flexible, that God gives us patience, that even when we feel we're done we have more to give, that children are a wonderful, wonderful gift and that it's a very hard but fulfilling job parenting them.  They have heard me cry and seen my pain over not having children.  They have lent me theirs when I needed a "fix" and they have never, NEVER told me I was not a mother.  They are an addition to my family that I would miss if they were not here.  They are sisters.

So Mother's Day was a wonderful day for me.  I was beaming, got to share that joy with my mother and love on her some and revel in the fact that God has restored the years the locust ate.  He really has.  No my babies are not home yet but they're on their way.  The wheels are in motion.  Change is coming and I am determined to enjoy the process.

Above all I am so blessed to have Steve as the father of our children.  He is an amazing man and my best friend.  We have been to hell and back again together in our time together and as I told him this morning... it has made us better for it.  I would never, NEVER change the pain we've experienced because it has made me appreciate the joy so much more!

Be blessed today!

love to all!