Just Whistle While You Work... A Little Adoption Talk
I first wrote "whistle while you wait" in the title then realized it was not what they sang in "Snow White" at all... OH tangent.. anyone watch "Once"? Do you like it?
I have something to talk about today that I normally skim over or leave out entirely. I want to talk about public response to the fact that we are adopting, waiting, childless, barren, infertile, nuts.. man the list goes on and on of things people feel like responding to.
We have been working towards starting a family for 4 years now. It has had every step from the old fashioned way ;), to doctors, to adoption. We have met a lot of people along the way and more and more people have become aware of our story as we 've journeyed into the world of adoption.
Now most people are awesome! They let us know they're praying for us, remind us we're not alone, surprise us with HUGE things that God tells them to do, or just expresses an interest in what we're doing. Sadly though there is another side to this coin that is all together more painful and hurtful... the women who see our situation as something they can fix.
Over the last year I have had countless conversations with women who are practically strangers. I know, I know this isn't that strange given that we sing in front of a lot of people we don't know on a weekly basis. I LOVE talking to people I don't know, getting to hear their stories and help when I can. PLEASE hear that.
What I don't love is when someone I don't know decides they have the answer for Steve and I and that answer is for them to have a baby for us and give it to us, be a surrogate for us, or a whole slew of other scenarios we've been approached with and about.
I have had some go as far as to call me, tell me they are pregnant and would like us to adopt the baby only to find out they were NEVER pregnant to begin with and knew they weren't pregnant. I'm sorry but that was cruel and so painful to go through time and time again.
I have had a LOT of women talk to me about being a surrogate for me. I know they mean well and they don't mean to be cruel but it is so painful to have that conversation time and again. I'm going to try and explain why.
I cannot get pregnant. Unless God performs a miracle and changes the physical makeup of my body I will never be pregnant. I am ok with this. I have worked through it and come to a place where I can even appreciate that my hips will relatively stay where they are right now (hopefully).
I LOVE adoption. I love everything about what it stands for, means to Steve and I and what it has taught us about ourselves along the way. I have never been shy about why we want to adopt, why we love it and that we are EXCITED that we get to do this.
When I have a well meaningwoman stranger tell me they would like to have a baby for us it sends a message to both Steve and I that 1. They don't understand why we're doing this and 2. That somehow they see the fact that I can't get pregnant as a problem they can fix instead of a gift God has given me.
At first this wasn't a big deal, we could shrug it off and move on. But when we hear that message over and over and over it gets painful. I know most people just desperately want to see our family begin and that means so much. But, as with anyone who has been waiting for something a long time or going through something you don't understand less is always more.
I'm not looking for anyone to "fix" my infertility. I love my infertility. I'm not looking for anyone to carry a baby for us. Honestly, we've never considered surrogacy and never will... unless in the words of Steve "God came down, sat right next to me, pointed out a woman and said she was to carry our baby". Surrogacy just isn't something we want to even consider. We see too many kids in the world who need homes to worry about if ours will have our chin or eyes or whatever.
Please hear me that this is just us thinking this and we don't expect or put this on anyone else! I see it along the same lines as fertility treatments. We felt God telling us to move away from that because he had something different but I would never tell anyone else fertility treatments were wrong for them... it just wasn't what WE were supposed to do anymore. So if you have used a surrogate or feel like you are supposed to more power to you! We just don't feel that for US.
So to sum it up, there are a lot of opinions about what we should or should not be doing. We love all the support and appreciate the interest people have taken in our story. We love questions and don't shy away from the hard ones. We simply ask that you trust that we are seeking God about any and every decision we make and support that.
Be Blessed!
I have something to talk about today that I normally skim over or leave out entirely. I want to talk about public response to the fact that we are adopting, waiting, childless, barren, infertile, nuts.. man the list goes on and on of things people feel like responding to.
We have been working towards starting a family for 4 years now. It has had every step from the old fashioned way ;), to doctors, to adoption. We have met a lot of people along the way and more and more people have become aware of our story as we 've journeyed into the world of adoption.
Now most people are awesome! They let us know they're praying for us, remind us we're not alone, surprise us with HUGE things that God tells them to do, or just expresses an interest in what we're doing. Sadly though there is another side to this coin that is all together more painful and hurtful... the women who see our situation as something they can fix.
Over the last year I have had countless conversations with women who are practically strangers. I know, I know this isn't that strange given that we sing in front of a lot of people we don't know on a weekly basis. I LOVE talking to people I don't know, getting to hear their stories and help when I can. PLEASE hear that.
What I don't love is when someone I don't know decides they have the answer for Steve and I and that answer is for them to have a baby for us and give it to us, be a surrogate for us, or a whole slew of other scenarios we've been approached with and about.
I have had some go as far as to call me, tell me they are pregnant and would like us to adopt the baby only to find out they were NEVER pregnant to begin with and knew they weren't pregnant. I'm sorry but that was cruel and so painful to go through time and time again.
I have had a LOT of women talk to me about being a surrogate for me. I know they mean well and they don't mean to be cruel but it is so painful to have that conversation time and again. I'm going to try and explain why.
I cannot get pregnant. Unless God performs a miracle and changes the physical makeup of my body I will never be pregnant. I am ok with this. I have worked through it and come to a place where I can even appreciate that my hips will relatively stay where they are right now (hopefully).
I LOVE adoption. I love everything about what it stands for, means to Steve and I and what it has taught us about ourselves along the way. I have never been shy about why we want to adopt, why we love it and that we are EXCITED that we get to do this.
When I have a well meaning
At first this wasn't a big deal, we could shrug it off and move on. But when we hear that message over and over and over it gets painful. I know most people just desperately want to see our family begin and that means so much. But, as with anyone who has been waiting for something a long time or going through something you don't understand less is always more.
I'm not looking for anyone to "fix" my infertility. I love my infertility. I'm not looking for anyone to carry a baby for us. Honestly, we've never considered surrogacy and never will... unless in the words of Steve "God came down, sat right next to me, pointed out a woman and said she was to carry our baby". Surrogacy just isn't something we want to even consider. We see too many kids in the world who need homes to worry about if ours will have our chin or eyes or whatever.
Please hear me that this is just us thinking this and we don't expect or put this on anyone else! I see it along the same lines as fertility treatments. We felt God telling us to move away from that because he had something different but I would never tell anyone else fertility treatments were wrong for them... it just wasn't what WE were supposed to do anymore. So if you have used a surrogate or feel like you are supposed to more power to you! We just don't feel that for US.
So to sum it up, there are a lot of opinions about what we should or should not be doing. We love all the support and appreciate the interest people have taken in our story. We love questions and don't shy away from the hard ones. We simply ask that you trust that we are seeking God about any and every decision we make and support that.
Be Blessed!
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