Trust
I can't really spout off anything all the profound today. It's been a harder week and I'm still sorting out the emotions of it.
A very wise friend told me a few months ago that the thing with grief is just when you think you are past the hard part you enter the next "wave". At the time I remember thinking that was true but how grateful I was I was past that part... and then the next "wave" hit.
I cannot even begin to express how frustrating this time of life is for me. I am a woman of action. I don't sit still. I like to be involved, make a difference, fight for change or at LEAST get some laundry done. This stage of life has me really doing NONE of that (ok I do get SOME laundry done) and there are moments where it sends me into a panic! -> please know the word panic is used loosely... most days I am NOT running around the house crying and freaking out... most :)
Despite all the inclinations to get wildly involved with changing lives and seeing the world changed (sarcasm intended) God has had other plans. He's had me sit and some days I do that really well. I sit and listen and cook and am so productive and just enjoy the quiet... then I have weeks like this past week where I just watch a lot of "Bones" and try to ignore all the feelings and emotions that threaten to overwhelm. I TRY.
These are the weeks where I think God wants me alone more than ever. These are the weeks that I avoid all the feelings but by the end of the week they are still there staring me in the face and I have to deal with some issue regarding infertility or adoption or the lack of adoption or the quiet existence God clearly wants me in right now.
Steve reminded me last night that even in the frustration, the loneliness, the quiet, the pain, the anger, the feeling abandoned, the joy, the ups and downs that God is still faithful. God is still enough. God clearly has a plan for us even though we have NO idea what that is right now.
So again we wait. We wait in what we wish was hope but today it's more of a trust that soon that hope will be restored... today I wait in trust on the Lord.
Be Blessed!
A very wise friend told me a few months ago that the thing with grief is just when you think you are past the hard part you enter the next "wave". At the time I remember thinking that was true but how grateful I was I was past that part... and then the next "wave" hit.
I cannot even begin to express how frustrating this time of life is for me. I am a woman of action. I don't sit still. I like to be involved, make a difference, fight for change or at LEAST get some laundry done. This stage of life has me really doing NONE of that (ok I do get SOME laundry done) and there are moments where it sends me into a panic! -> please know the word panic is used loosely... most days I am NOT running around the house crying and freaking out... most :)
Despite all the inclinations to get wildly involved with changing lives and seeing the world changed (sarcasm intended) God has had other plans. He's had me sit and some days I do that really well. I sit and listen and cook and am so productive and just enjoy the quiet... then I have weeks like this past week where I just watch a lot of "Bones" and try to ignore all the feelings and emotions that threaten to overwhelm. I TRY.
These are the weeks where I think God wants me alone more than ever. These are the weeks that I avoid all the feelings but by the end of the week they are still there staring me in the face and I have to deal with some issue regarding infertility or adoption or the lack of adoption or the quiet existence God clearly wants me in right now.
Steve reminded me last night that even in the frustration, the loneliness, the quiet, the pain, the anger, the feeling abandoned, the joy, the ups and downs that God is still faithful. God is still enough. God clearly has a plan for us even though we have NO idea what that is right now.
So again we wait. We wait in what we wish was hope but today it's more of a trust that soon that hope will be restored... today I wait in trust on the Lord.
Be Blessed!
Comments