He Is Enough
There is a pain unlike anything I've ever experienced.... the pain of loss so great, of all the years of infertility and grief and heartache and questions.... it all came crashing in tonight in the most extreme of ways.
We were approached by a family last week about twin girls. We were so excited and nervous... we were anxious but so sure things were working out this time... it just felt right. We met the family and we got along great. They asked us to come and meet the girls and that went so much better than we could have dreamed! We spent all morning on Monday with them and just were blown away by them... they were so smart, so beautiful... more than we could have ever dreamed! We kept praying and hoping but began to believe this was going to move forward.
Tonight we got the call that the birth family has decided to keep looking. We got the call minutes before we were heading on stage to begin leading worship... as Steve told me huge sobs erupted... I could not control it. I loved these girls.... we had all gotten along so well. It had seemed perfect. I couldn't and still cannot fully wrap my head around the fact that they are not going to be ours.
I will be honest and just say I am devastated. I am so sad and yet I am not letting go of the one I cling to. God is enough. In my pain, my anguish, my questions, my doubt and my absolute gut wrenching sorrow... God is enough.
I am exhausted. I am worn out. I am confused and feeling beat down.... but God is enough.
I am scared. I am questioning. I am confused. I am tired... but God is enough.
Like I've said before the emotions in adoption are so different than in other places in life I've been. They come on SO much stronger... knock you off your feet kind of strong. The emotions also move much quicker, they have to. When the door is closed on one you have to allow yourself to grieve the death of that dream and then move past it... because if you can't move past it you can't get to that place that God is leading you... I think that applies in any area of life... don't get stuck, the pain is part of the journey. Allow yourself to feel and then move past it.
So I'm allowing myself to feel... and I'm feeling a lot. The pain is so strong and so all encompassing right now. I feel like I'm caught in the middle of a huge storm, wind all around me. I'm clinging to the only thing that keeps me grounded... God is enough.
Have you allowed him to be enough?
We were approached by a family last week about twin girls. We were so excited and nervous... we were anxious but so sure things were working out this time... it just felt right. We met the family and we got along great. They asked us to come and meet the girls and that went so much better than we could have dreamed! We spent all morning on Monday with them and just were blown away by them... they were so smart, so beautiful... more than we could have ever dreamed! We kept praying and hoping but began to believe this was going to move forward.
Tonight we got the call that the birth family has decided to keep looking. We got the call minutes before we were heading on stage to begin leading worship... as Steve told me huge sobs erupted... I could not control it. I loved these girls.... we had all gotten along so well. It had seemed perfect. I couldn't and still cannot fully wrap my head around the fact that they are not going to be ours.
I will be honest and just say I am devastated. I am so sad and yet I am not letting go of the one I cling to. God is enough. In my pain, my anguish, my questions, my doubt and my absolute gut wrenching sorrow... God is enough.
I am exhausted. I am worn out. I am confused and feeling beat down.... but God is enough.
I am scared. I am questioning. I am confused. I am tired... but God is enough.
Like I've said before the emotions in adoption are so different than in other places in life I've been. They come on SO much stronger... knock you off your feet kind of strong. The emotions also move much quicker, they have to. When the door is closed on one you have to allow yourself to grieve the death of that dream and then move past it... because if you can't move past it you can't get to that place that God is leading you... I think that applies in any area of life... don't get stuck, the pain is part of the journey. Allow yourself to feel and then move past it.
So I'm allowing myself to feel... and I'm feeling a lot. The pain is so strong and so all encompassing right now. I feel like I'm caught in the middle of a huge storm, wind all around me. I'm clinging to the only thing that keeps me grounded... God is enough.
Have you allowed him to be enough?
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