Let the Stretching Begin
I have been catapulted into a strange new world. A world where there is much more time but just as many demands. A world where that time is what I make it. A world where I have NO idea what I am doing. I've become a stay at home mom... The catch? My kids are only with me some of the time.
I'm sure someone is reading this right now and is like "Really? That's your big problem?" Well it's not a problem as much as an adjustment. I have gone from an absolutely chaotic version of a life to one where there are oodles of time where I am on my own with nothing that I HAVE to do. I don't know what to do with that.
The days I have the girls are a whirlwind of diapers, wipes, kisses, tantrums, timeouts and hugs. I love these days and am so sure when I am in them that it's exactly where I'm supposed to be. But then I have the days that are long stretches of cavernous time. I don't know what to do with those days. I know it will come and there will be a time when I will deeply miss these days... I know I will get into a rhythm of being home and being a wife and mother. I'm not there yet though and it's an incredibly hard week to begin the transition.
This weekend is our church's Christmas program. It's a three night event and Steve is playing in the band for it and I'm helping with some behind the scenes stuff. My part requires very little as far as sacrificed time but Steve has been gone every day this week until 11/11:30pm. I don't mind because it's temporary and he loves it but on days when the girls are with their grandma it can be incredibly lonely.
So last night I was sitting waiting for Steve to get home and just started asking God what it was he wanted me to learn in this period of short stops and starts. The answer I keep getting is to rest in him, wait on him and be still. In the past I have let the schedule dictate my life and not God's word. I would fit it in when I could and I don't want to do that anymore. That teaches me nothing.
As the girls begin to live with us more and more I want to intentionally point them to Christ. I want them to know that is their mommy's first love and that because of that I am able to love them even more. I want our home to be one that is full of his love, not exhaustion and worn out believers. I want a home where we are able to meet needs and actively seek to do that with those around us.
Lots of changes are going on and I'm trying to just hold on through it all and make decisions and adjustments as they come. Please keep us in your prayers as adoption is a bumpy road and full of twists and turns.
More to come!
I'm sure someone is reading this right now and is like "Really? That's your big problem?" Well it's not a problem as much as an adjustment. I have gone from an absolutely chaotic version of a life to one where there are oodles of time where I am on my own with nothing that I HAVE to do. I don't know what to do with that.
The days I have the girls are a whirlwind of diapers, wipes, kisses, tantrums, timeouts and hugs. I love these days and am so sure when I am in them that it's exactly where I'm supposed to be. But then I have the days that are long stretches of cavernous time. I don't know what to do with those days. I know it will come and there will be a time when I will deeply miss these days... I know I will get into a rhythm of being home and being a wife and mother. I'm not there yet though and it's an incredibly hard week to begin the transition.
This weekend is our church's Christmas program. It's a three night event and Steve is playing in the band for it and I'm helping with some behind the scenes stuff. My part requires very little as far as sacrificed time but Steve has been gone every day this week until 11/11:30pm. I don't mind because it's temporary and he loves it but on days when the girls are with their grandma it can be incredibly lonely.
So last night I was sitting waiting for Steve to get home and just started asking God what it was he wanted me to learn in this period of short stops and starts. The answer I keep getting is to rest in him, wait on him and be still. In the past I have let the schedule dictate my life and not God's word. I would fit it in when I could and I don't want to do that anymore. That teaches me nothing.
As the girls begin to live with us more and more I want to intentionally point them to Christ. I want them to know that is their mommy's first love and that because of that I am able to love them even more. I want our home to be one that is full of his love, not exhaustion and worn out believers. I want a home where we are able to meet needs and actively seek to do that with those around us.
Lots of changes are going on and I'm trying to just hold on through it all and make decisions and adjustments as they come. Please keep us in your prayers as adoption is a bumpy road and full of twists and turns.
More to come!
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