A Very Merry Christmas

I hope everyone had a fabulous time with family and friends this Christmas!  Steve and I were so blessed to get to spend most of the holiday with his family.  We don't get to see his parents more than a few times a year at most so it's always a sweet time when we all get together!  This year was extra special because we also had the sweet addition of our niece Elizabeth Claire.  She is an absolute doll baby and is such a joy! 

Steve and his dad

Steve's momma aka Rudolph!

 Of course there were incredibly hard moments this past weekend as we continued to deal with having said good-bye to the twins.  There were moments of tears, but they were only moments.  The more time goes by the more the Lord allows Steve and I to see how clearly our time with them was finished. 

We were talking yesterday on our drive home about how blessed we feel to have been their parents for 4 months.  Those girls were and are amazing.  I truly believe God has given them a specific prayer cover that they did not have before they came into our life.  Our role won't be more than that but I feel like God reminded me this morning of Hannah and the offering of her firstborn to the Lord.  This situation isn't exactly the same but I can tell you, as one who has longed for a child for years and year, I have prayed that prayer. 

So what now right?  Where do we go from here?  Well we are back to waiting.  We are simply waiting for the day God matches us with our forever family.  We are ok with waiting (most days).  I've begun to really ask God, "What would you have us do with this life you have given us?"  We don't have the answer yet but I can tell you that while reading Kisses from Katie God really began to do a work in my heart. 

I've had a restlessness for a long time but reading and being challenged by this story has made me step back and think about what God would have me doing here. Who are the people God wants me in contact with?  Who does he want me to help?  Who does he want to help me?  I don't know the answers to any of this yet.  Right now what I get is to wait, be still, pray, spend time in the word and focus on learning to be a wife and future mother at home.  Not a small task but my Americanized  brain tells me I should be moving more, doing more... I'm learning to be slow.

I realized this weekend that while I'm staying home I was still packing my schedule full of lunches and errands and things that HAD to get done.  Most of it was more of a ploy to keep me busy so I wouldn't think about the twins.  Well God quickly showed me that was the quickest way for me to never fully recover.  I need time to feel, time to be quiet, time to wait on him.  I can't do that when I'm moving a mile a min.  So I am once again learning to be intentional with my time, slow to make commitments and  give myself the hours in the day to complete what I am committed to at a less than break-neck speed. 

Hopefully it will stick this time :)