Making A Difference
Today is a day of remembering. The more time passes since December the more I feel the healing but that doesn't change or take away the love and all encompassing grief that has been a part of losing the twins. I'm sure some people may read this, roll their eyes and think aren't they over that YET? The answer is most days are fine, great even. Most days we don't think about them but then I'll have a week where every moment and every movement is filled with thoughts of those girls.
I don't know why we had to walk away from them. I mean I've seen things happen since then that would have NEVER happened if we were focused on parenting them. My heart still aches for them though.
The more I'm learning the more I can look back and see their pain so clearly... in a way I couldn't then. They were abandoned, neglected and then passed from person to person. They had no concept of trust past each other. They saw love as a conditional thing that they used to get what they wanted. They were two years old with the weight of the world on their shoulders.
As I've learned, researched and read articles, books and blogs I'm beginning to see a common thread... these children are broken, beaten, left repeatedly and then because of things that are not in their control they are put in foster homes to wait until they turn 18. This causes emotional issues that don't just go away. They need love, stability and a family that is committed to loving them through Christ, loving them through the pain.
A few weeks back I was sitting with some friends and a girl we had just met. The questions about kids started and I told her we were looking to adopt and really focusing on adopting a sibling group. She looked me straight in the eye and said "You just can't adopt any kids older than 4". I stared for a second and said a quick prayer to hold my tongue in hopes that she would not go on but she did.
She proceeded to tell me that any kids over the age of 4 would be too screwed up and would probably hurt us or have major issues. It broke my heart to hear her saying that. I hurt for all the kids in foster care who are over the age of 4 who apparently carry the stigma that they are unlovable. Why is it their fault that they are there? Why are they the ones who get abandoned, neglected and left behind? Where are the people standing up to say they are loveable? Where are the people saying I will love one?
There are currently over 1000 kids in Virginia who have had their parental rights terminated.. this means they are free for adoption. That is over 1000 kids who need to know they are loved, they are special, they have a purpose. That is over 1000 kids who statistically if they age out in the system will be ten times more likely to turn to a life of drugs, crime, prostitution or death. That really isn't a surprise though given they have no family, no father, no one telling them they are worth something or they are loveable.
It broke my heart last week when I heard how many kids there are waiting and then how long it takes for them to find a home... but a lot of them don't because they're over age of 4. How is this ok?
Steve and I have requested a sibling group with children up to the age of 11. Does that scare us? Yes it does. Does that mean we will just walk away though.. no. We can't walk away. The average age of a child in foster care is 9 years old. We can't ignore that and go with what is comfortable to us. We believe with all our hearts none of us were created for a comfortable life. We were created to make a difference.
So I'm asking.... How can you make a difference?
I don't know why we had to walk away from them. I mean I've seen things happen since then that would have NEVER happened if we were focused on parenting them. My heart still aches for them though.
The more I'm learning the more I can look back and see their pain so clearly... in a way I couldn't then. They were abandoned, neglected and then passed from person to person. They had no concept of trust past each other. They saw love as a conditional thing that they used to get what they wanted. They were two years old with the weight of the world on their shoulders.
As I've learned, researched and read articles, books and blogs I'm beginning to see a common thread... these children are broken, beaten, left repeatedly and then because of things that are not in their control they are put in foster homes to wait until they turn 18. This causes emotional issues that don't just go away. They need love, stability and a family that is committed to loving them through Christ, loving them through the pain.
A few weeks back I was sitting with some friends and a girl we had just met. The questions about kids started and I told her we were looking to adopt and really focusing on adopting a sibling group. She looked me straight in the eye and said "You just can't adopt any kids older than 4". I stared for a second and said a quick prayer to hold my tongue in hopes that she would not go on but she did.
She proceeded to tell me that any kids over the age of 4 would be too screwed up and would probably hurt us or have major issues. It broke my heart to hear her saying that. I hurt for all the kids in foster care who are over the age of 4 who apparently carry the stigma that they are unlovable. Why is it their fault that they are there? Why are they the ones who get abandoned, neglected and left behind? Where are the people standing up to say they are loveable? Where are the people saying I will love one?
There are currently over 1000 kids in Virginia who have had their parental rights terminated.. this means they are free for adoption. That is over 1000 kids who need to know they are loved, they are special, they have a purpose. That is over 1000 kids who statistically if they age out in the system will be ten times more likely to turn to a life of drugs, crime, prostitution or death. That really isn't a surprise though given they have no family, no father, no one telling them they are worth something or they are loveable.
It broke my heart last week when I heard how many kids there are waiting and then how long it takes for them to find a home... but a lot of them don't because they're over age of 4. How is this ok?
Steve and I have requested a sibling group with children up to the age of 11. Does that scare us? Yes it does. Does that mean we will just walk away though.. no. We can't walk away. The average age of a child in foster care is 9 years old. We can't ignore that and go with what is comfortable to us. We believe with all our hearts none of us were created for a comfortable life. We were created to make a difference.
So I'm asking.... How can you make a difference?
Comments
And sorry for the late reply.. I fell off the earth for a few weeks in order to cope :)
<3 Katie