Wide Open
Have you ever had one of those seasons of life where God takes everything you thought you believed, everything you thought you understood and everything you thought you were headed for and just tipped it enough that it all COMPLETELY changed? If not then let me tell you it is quite a ride.
I'm sitting in my new office, in my new home looking out the window and still in awe that THIS is the home God provided for my family to grow and learn and heal. I know you only have my word to go on right now... but we couldn't live in a more perfect place for where we are in life. We needed to heal and that quiet, still place was provided for us. We needed to think and pray and this quiet, still place was provided for us. We needed to listen... and you guessed it this quiet, still place has been provided for us.
We've just passed the one year mark of our journey to bring our kids home via adoption. I look back on those two kids who eagerly filled out that paperwork and gleefully dreamed about the baby they were bringing home. I think back to setting up a crib because we just knew that infant was coming soon. I think back to all the conversations we had about how we knew this took awhile for some but God would go ahead and make it quick and easy for us... then June came. I left for Africa and God really started changing our hearts.
While I was in Kenya God showed me things in my life that needed to be changed and we had a LOT of adoption drama. I don't think the things I learned in Kenya really started sinking in though until December when I found myself home with no job and no babies to raise. It was a breaking point, a vulnerable point.. I was and am right where God wanted me. I discovered a huge desire to hear other people's stories and so I began reading. It started with Kisses from Katie - this book re-broke my heart for the things I'd seen when I was in Kenya. I saw poverty like you could not believe, I sat and listened to women's stories that made me realize what a pleasure cruise my life really is. As I read that book all of those emotions came back and I was once again reminded that as a believer I am made for so much more than comfortable Sunday morning worship and loving my Christian brothers and sisters.
The next book I read was 7:An Experimental Mutiny on Excess... and I know I've mentioned these books a TON over the last 4 or so months but God has ROCKED me with this book and the tidal wave of emotion and conviction it has caused since reading it. How, knowing who I serve and who he calls me to serve (the least of these, orphan and widow, the hungry, abandoned, broken, poor and outcasts), have I EVER thought it was ok to just come to church, hear some good music, maybe pray and focus on God for the hour and then go out and get lunch and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my time... I'm speaking to me and only me here but I have WASTED years and hours of my life as Jen Hatmaker puts it "blessing the blessed and serving the served".
Please hear that I'm talking about myself and the conviction that is rising from so deep in me that I can barely stand up under it. God is more than Sunday morning, he's more than a denomination, he's more than I can fit into my neat Sunday morning box. I read Jen's blog this morning which was an excerpt from her book and it just took me back to the question of HOW did this happen?? HOW did I get so far off course?
I can honestly tell you that for the last 3 years Christ's resurrection was NOT the first thing I thought about on Easter morning. I thought about how tired I was from all the programs I was in, I thought about the clothes I was going to wear and if anyone would like them, I thought about the day off I had coming the day after Sunday. There is something wrong in that thinking. God has woken me up to the fact that I am the ONLY one who can change how I see him. I am the ONLY one who can slow down my way of living enough to hear him. I am the ONLY one who can say NO to all the good things so I can embrace the best things he has for me.
I made a decision a few weeks back to begin simplifying life. I've stepped back from things, set strict parameters on others and have really begun to change my focus to long term relationships, community, service and quiet. It has meant saying good-bye to some good things because I believe greater things are coming.
I don't write this to convict anyone, call anyone out or make any kind of statement. I just don't know how to write anything other than who I am and where I am and where I am is broken and slowly being rebuilt thanks to the blood and grace of Jesus Christ. I want nothing more than to remember that and have THAT be my focus this week, not my clothes.
If you're interested in the blog post I talked about by Jen Hatmaker you can find it here. I really encourage you to read it! It will make you laugh.. at the beginning anyway :)
Be Blessed!
I'm sitting in my new office, in my new home looking out the window and still in awe that THIS is the home God provided for my family to grow and learn and heal. I know you only have my word to go on right now... but we couldn't live in a more perfect place for where we are in life. We needed to heal and that quiet, still place was provided for us. We needed to think and pray and this quiet, still place was provided for us. We needed to listen... and you guessed it this quiet, still place has been provided for us.
We've just passed the one year mark of our journey to bring our kids home via adoption. I look back on those two kids who eagerly filled out that paperwork and gleefully dreamed about the baby they were bringing home. I think back to setting up a crib because we just knew that infant was coming soon. I think back to all the conversations we had about how we knew this took awhile for some but God would go ahead and make it quick and easy for us... then June came. I left for Africa and God really started changing our hearts.
While I was in Kenya God showed me things in my life that needed to be changed and we had a LOT of adoption drama. I don't think the things I learned in Kenya really started sinking in though until December when I found myself home with no job and no babies to raise. It was a breaking point, a vulnerable point.. I was and am right where God wanted me. I discovered a huge desire to hear other people's stories and so I began reading. It started with Kisses from Katie - this book re-broke my heart for the things I'd seen when I was in Kenya. I saw poverty like you could not believe, I sat and listened to women's stories that made me realize what a pleasure cruise my life really is. As I read that book all of those emotions came back and I was once again reminded that as a believer I am made for so much more than comfortable Sunday morning worship and loving my Christian brothers and sisters.
The next book I read was 7:An Experimental Mutiny on Excess... and I know I've mentioned these books a TON over the last 4 or so months but God has ROCKED me with this book and the tidal wave of emotion and conviction it has caused since reading it. How, knowing who I serve and who he calls me to serve (the least of these, orphan and widow, the hungry, abandoned, broken, poor and outcasts), have I EVER thought it was ok to just come to church, hear some good music, maybe pray and focus on God for the hour and then go out and get lunch and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my time... I'm speaking to me and only me here but I have WASTED years and hours of my life as Jen Hatmaker puts it "blessing the blessed and serving the served".
Please hear that I'm talking about myself and the conviction that is rising from so deep in me that I can barely stand up under it. God is more than Sunday morning, he's more than a denomination, he's more than I can fit into my neat Sunday morning box. I read Jen's blog this morning which was an excerpt from her book and it just took me back to the question of HOW did this happen?? HOW did I get so far off course?
I can honestly tell you that for the last 3 years Christ's resurrection was NOT the first thing I thought about on Easter morning. I thought about how tired I was from all the programs I was in, I thought about the clothes I was going to wear and if anyone would like them, I thought about the day off I had coming the day after Sunday. There is something wrong in that thinking. God has woken me up to the fact that I am the ONLY one who can change how I see him. I am the ONLY one who can slow down my way of living enough to hear him. I am the ONLY one who can say NO to all the good things so I can embrace the best things he has for me.
I made a decision a few weeks back to begin simplifying life. I've stepped back from things, set strict parameters on others and have really begun to change my focus to long term relationships, community, service and quiet. It has meant saying good-bye to some good things because I believe greater things are coming.
I don't write this to convict anyone, call anyone out or make any kind of statement. I just don't know how to write anything other than who I am and where I am and where I am is broken and slowly being rebuilt thanks to the blood and grace of Jesus Christ. I want nothing more than to remember that and have THAT be my focus this week, not my clothes.
If you're interested in the blog post I talked about by Jen Hatmaker you can find it here. I really encourage you to read it! It will make you laugh.. at the beginning anyway :)
Be Blessed!
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