Battling the Hard Things

The baby and I are battling out nap time right now... so much fun in the Day house!!! You know you wanna come over and enjoy the screams.. well it's more like yelling actually :)

The past 6 days threw me for a loop.  I've been in a tailspin and just now feel like I'm getting my feet on the ground and can write about it.

We got a call on Thursday of last week asking if we could come pick up the girls that day.  We were shocked and rushed to get ready... but we actually ended up picking them up Friday evening.  Friday night was HARD as we saw firsthand what being a teenager in foster care can actually look like.  These kids are in such a hard situation where they have to grow up  fast and sometimes that means they get hard at the same time.  Thankfully A. isn't hard but we saw glimpses of what could happen if people don't pour into her.

All of last weekend was a huge adjustment for me.  My body literally shut down from the stress and shock and I found myself crying on the porch late at night, taking naps (which I NEVER do) and just staying silent.  I prayed a lot, talked with Steve a lot and had some great friends who just listened while I processed everything that was going on.

Finally on Sunday I began to feel like I was getting my bearings back.  It seemed like we were all settling into what we had been before and everything was going to be fine... nope.  You see, I had a hard lesson coming my way... I am not her friend and she cannot see me as one.  When she was with us before it was short term so our goal was to love hard, have fun and pour into her.  Those are still our goals now BUT we also have to set boundaries, guidelines and rules... and then enforce them.

Monday night we had a family meeting and let her know the rules while she is with us.  Now please realize we are new at this and so our rules and chores etc will change dramatically as we go.  They were SO laid back and not a big deal at all.  We all left that meeting thinking things were going to sail on with no issues... WRONG.

Yesterday my best friend and I decided on a whim that we were going to take all the kids to DC and eat at this really neat pizza shop, see some sites and get some awesome cupcakes.  A. was excited and we were all ready for an adventure.  Well... then the baby screamed for the last hour of the ride and her mama shut down so by the time we got there I had a hungry, grumpy baby and a teenager who would not acknowledge anything.

this is the face I make when I'm beyond frustrated and I'm trying to fake it...

We arrive at the pizza place after a 20 min. parking adventure that included me scaring the living daylights out of a car in front of me and to our shock they are CLOSED.  In our excitement we NEVER thought for a second that they wouldn't open for lunch.  So Mya and I quickly regroup and head across the street to a hamburger place and that is where I payed 20 dollars for a teenager to eat a hamburger... ugh.

So after a expensive delicious lunch we headed out with the plan of going to the mall and walking around to see the monuments.  On the way there A. heard some news from her family and shut down completely.  I mean would not engage, would not even respond.  Yay us!

So we start driving to go see the big pencil Monument and CANNOT GET THERE to save our lives.  We drove all over that stinkin' city and both our GPS' kept sending us on a wild goose chase.  FINALLY after what felt like an hour we arrived only to drive around for another 30 minutes finding somewhere to park.

At this point all the kids were about to come out of their skin because they were so tired of being in the car and so were we.  We decided to just walk and that is what we did.  I am SO glad we did because it was while we were walking that I was able to gain some perspective and make the decision that A. was not going to ruin the day just because she wasn't happy.

We ended up finding this great fountain in the middle of the sculpture garden.  It was amazing and you could put your feet in and just relax.  We soaked up the peace and calm of it and didn't even try to see anything else.

After awhile we realized it was already 5pm and we needed to keep going.  We headed off and got our cupcakes and everyone was finally happy!  We didn't get home until 10:30pm and our teenager never once said a kind thing, thank you or acknowledged all the work BUT Mya and I decided that we were going to be positive and just laugh.

 I woke up this morning with an entirely new attitude towards fostering.  These kids are hurting, lonely and don't know how to express those things.  I understand that but will not accept poor behavior just because they don't like something.  A. and I had a discussion this morning (and by that I mean I talked and she listened).  I made it clear that yesterday could not happen again, how much we love her and how much we want good things for her.  I got no response but I just keep having all the advice marching through my head that all you wise women gave me on facebook.  The biggest thing was "teenagers need and want boundaries" and boy did we start setting them today!

I never thought I would have a 16 year old when I was 29 and I can say with all honesty that there have been moments where I wonder what we did BUT every time Jesus uses something to gently remind me that there is something beautiful about caring for the orphan.. it's not a beauty that is neatly wrapped and presented all shiny and new... it's a beauty that is slowly unveiled in the days, months and years of faithfully wiping away the grim, dirt, pain, lies and deceit that builds up in these little hearts.  I have not ENJOYED these last 6 days but I feel FULFILLED knowing I am doing kingdom work.

May we all focus on the right things and not the easy things this week!  Be Blessed!