a mad jumble... :p

                    “Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint; 

lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. 

I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.” Psalm 61:1 

Today is such a jumble of emotions.  I'm trying so hard to stay silent, trust him and wait... and then my flesh storms in and pushes everything out of the way and begins screaming so loudly all I can hear is "GET MOVING!!! YOU NEED TO BE DOING SOMETHING!!! THIS IS UP TO YOU!!!"  As someone put it yesterday it is Satan.. pure and simple.  

There is also another side of all of this... the side that feels like it's all a dream.  You know that feeling when you're right on the precipice of a huge change?? Where you think about how it's going to be but just for the life of you cannot imagine it???  That's how it is right now.  I feel like we've wanted a family for so long but it's that "unattainable dream".  I don't say that in a whoa is me kinda way... just I'm having a hard time visualizing it today... I know that day is closer and yet I really can't believe it is coming....  

All that though and I am so blessed and so excited.  Man there are a jumble of emotions on this post but that's how I am right now.. nervous, excited energy!!!  

So I don't know if we made it clear in previous posts but at this point we have stopped all yard sales etc.  We just felt God telling us to wait on him and to see what he would do.  So we are waiting.  We are not applying for grants or anything at this point.  I think that's where the nervous energy is coming from... you know that feeling when you're all jittery and waiting and excited but can't stand still... yeah that would be me.  Try being still when you're like that... it's HARD!!!

God is breaking, molding  and shaping me.  

Yay....

be blessed!