Wide Awake
Tuesday, while at work I experienced my first large scale earthquake... yes you read that right. An earthquake, in Virginia. The ground shook, the walls shook, I realized what was going on and ran outside. It was crazy and over in seconds.
Well this week in general has been a strange week. We have the earthquake, we're waiting for a hurricane to strike and then yesterday you could just tell something was "off" all day. Everyone I talked to said the same thing. Church last night you could feel the devil trying and at some points... for a moment... succeeding in getting a foothold on the night. Steve and I left church last night at about 9:30pm. We had had a great night with each other. We closed the car doors and started heading home and it was literally like two different people got into that car. We started fighting, out of nowhere. It was crazy y'all cause literally we got home, got out of the car and Steve realized instantly what was going on. We both shut our mouths and refused to give the Devil any glory. The night went much better from there but you could just feel tension like that everywhere we turned.
This morning we woke up and found a dead... ok MOSTLY dead possum on our living room carpet. This is not the first animal that has been brought into our home but it was certainly the largest!!! I refused to get anywhere near it and so Steve armed with oven mits and a towel boldly carried that sucker to the trash. We rolled the carpet up and calmly took it to the side of the road (our second one in the last two years). Why you ask? Well we have a very strict rule that if the dogs KILL an animal on our carpet it goes. I don't care how much people think it's wasteful... YOU didn't have possum blood and juices all over your carpet. There is not second thought, that sucker was outta here.
So after all the excitement Steve headed out to go to work and got as far as the truck... a flat tire. It's been a morning y'all!
So to switch gears... Steve and I have begun to notice a theme in the last few months with our adoption and I wanted to share it because it's not just about adoption... ok I'd share it either way really :).
In this process of waiting... and we all wait for something... we have come face to face with our own "god complex". We decided how things would go and how they would lay out. When that didn't happen we have had to step back and really think about why that is... the reason? We're not God and we have not been making him our everything. God keeps asking us "Katie am I enough?" "Steve am I enough?" The day of the earthquake I heard it again.
One of the first things I heard from people during and after the earthquake was the world was ending. I don't know if it is or isn't. I don't know the mind of Christ or his timetable. What I do know is the first thing I thought when I heard that was "God is my family going to grow? Do we get a baby?" I felt him answer me with "What if you don't? Am I enough?" It made me stop and think... am I so focused on this child that we are planning for that I'm not waiting anxiously for Christ's return? Am I even hoping it comes AFTER I get what I want? There are times, a lot of times I'm ashamed to say that my desires are what I focus on and not Christ and being ready for his return.
We took a walk last night and talked about how we're realizing more and more that if he is NOT enough, if we do not make him that then this child will not come home. I relate to Hannah in the Bible so much, I always have. Her desperate plea to have a child, the wait. I have known and felt her struggle so keenly over the last 4 years. I have made those cries to God, I have screamed them and wept them. I have been Hannah. We talked last night about how it's time to see this child or children as God's... completely his. If we can't trust and leave them in his hands then this is for nothing. His will is perfect and he is the father to the fatherless.... do we really think we can do it any better?
So we are waiting but choosing to, like Hannah offer our future children to him... they're already his anyway.. we're just admitting it now.
be blessed!
Well this week in general has been a strange week. We have the earthquake, we're waiting for a hurricane to strike and then yesterday you could just tell something was "off" all day. Everyone I talked to said the same thing. Church last night you could feel the devil trying and at some points... for a moment... succeeding in getting a foothold on the night. Steve and I left church last night at about 9:30pm. We had had a great night with each other. We closed the car doors and started heading home and it was literally like two different people got into that car. We started fighting, out of nowhere. It was crazy y'all cause literally we got home, got out of the car and Steve realized instantly what was going on. We both shut our mouths and refused to give the Devil any glory. The night went much better from there but you could just feel tension like that everywhere we turned.
This morning we woke up and found a dead... ok MOSTLY dead possum on our living room carpet. This is not the first animal that has been brought into our home but it was certainly the largest!!! I refused to get anywhere near it and so Steve armed with oven mits and a towel boldly carried that sucker to the trash. We rolled the carpet up and calmly took it to the side of the road (our second one in the last two years). Why you ask? Well we have a very strict rule that if the dogs KILL an animal on our carpet it goes. I don't care how much people think it's wasteful... YOU didn't have possum blood and juices all over your carpet. There is not second thought, that sucker was outta here.
So after all the excitement Steve headed out to go to work and got as far as the truck... a flat tire. It's been a morning y'all!
So to switch gears... Steve and I have begun to notice a theme in the last few months with our adoption and I wanted to share it because it's not just about adoption... ok I'd share it either way really :).
In this process of waiting... and we all wait for something... we have come face to face with our own "god complex". We decided how things would go and how they would lay out. When that didn't happen we have had to step back and really think about why that is... the reason? We're not God and we have not been making him our everything. God keeps asking us "Katie am I enough?" "Steve am I enough?" The day of the earthquake I heard it again.
One of the first things I heard from people during and after the earthquake was the world was ending. I don't know if it is or isn't. I don't know the mind of Christ or his timetable. What I do know is the first thing I thought when I heard that was "God is my family going to grow? Do we get a baby?" I felt him answer me with "What if you don't? Am I enough?" It made me stop and think... am I so focused on this child that we are planning for that I'm not waiting anxiously for Christ's return? Am I even hoping it comes AFTER I get what I want? There are times, a lot of times I'm ashamed to say that my desires are what I focus on and not Christ and being ready for his return.
We took a walk last night and talked about how we're realizing more and more that if he is NOT enough, if we do not make him that then this child will not come home. I relate to Hannah in the Bible so much, I always have. Her desperate plea to have a child, the wait. I have known and felt her struggle so keenly over the last 4 years. I have made those cries to God, I have screamed them and wept them. I have been Hannah. We talked last night about how it's time to see this child or children as God's... completely his. If we can't trust and leave them in his hands then this is for nothing. His will is perfect and he is the father to the fatherless.... do we really think we can do it any better?
So we are waiting but choosing to, like Hannah offer our future children to him... they're already his anyway.. we're just admitting it now.
be blessed!
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