"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes."

Over the last few months, you know in between my trips, emotional roller coasters and fights with God, I've been thinking a lot about friendship or rather relationships in general.  I've been thinking about this topic since May actually.  I have always been the person who takes on the burdens.  I would carry my friends burdens, take them on and make them my own, I would stress over them and cry over them.... well I used to anyways.

In May I began to notice how "dramatic" my life seemed to be.  It seemed every time I turned around I would be going through a crisis, coming down from a crisis or waiting for one to begin.  It was exhausting.  I remember, in May we were visiting Steve's parents and I got on facebook.  That was when God really opened my eyes to something I was doing... I was looking for the drama.  No I didn't enjoy it and yes I wanted it to go away but I just kept going and looking for it.  I began to step back and look at my life, really look at it.  I began to pick it apart.  The more I looked at them the more I saw how much I had trapped myself in my choices and relationships.

I slowly realized how drained I was getting because of MY choices to be tied up in other people's issues.  I want to be there for my friends, I want to help with their burdens.  I will not make those burdens so prevalent in my life anymore though that they disrupt my home.... (there are two exceptions to this and I hope you both know who you are).

So when I came home from Kenya I came home with a mission.  My mission was to seek out women who were and are driven by their desire to serve God. I set out to find women who were not interested in the drama but were interested in being a godly woman, a good wife and mother.  These women are the women who usually do not know they are these things.  I've learned they are the ones who don't even know there's drama going on and that's what I wanted... to relax into a series of relationships where I was able to talk as much as I listened, to laugh, to go to movies and share books, to just be together and be able to talk about our lives and share the things we have learned along the way.  The longer I've been on this journey the more of these women I've met.  I have loved it and am so excited and encouraged by each of them.

The more I have analyzed past relationships and seasons of my life the more I realized the problem in this cycle was and is me.  I was the one taking on more and more even though I knew I was drained and tired.  I was the one taking on other people's problems to the point of unhealthy.  My tendency is to get involved and help, to be needed... that is not always the answer.  Sometimes you have to get alone with God and figure things out yourself.  Each step I make towards simplifying my relationships, quieting my home and focusing on Jesus the more people he brings in our life who challenge and help us.  It's a good feeling!

be blessed.