Do You Trust Me

This past week, we've been fasting and praying about adoption finances. Katie shared not to long ago, that we needed to stop because we were attempting to do things under our own power.

Stopping things was very liberating one side, but very scary. Every day, the prospect of the remaining 14,000 we have to raise stands over our head like goliath on steriods. What made it worse is that we didn't feel like we had a slingshot. At best we had spitballs.

So we stopped. We prayed. We prayed some more. I wrestled with God. He won. It's not really fair though, I never had a chance.

Katie shared a story last week about an adoptive mother. In the story, the mom said God asked her a question, "Do you love me enough?" It was at that moment, I realized I had just gotten God's answer for that week of prayer and fasting.

The night before, we had got home from a long rehearsal for the new building and I was tired and cranky. We needed to spend some time with dogs as we've been neglecting them due to our crazy schedule. So, as I sat and loved on Linus (the boy dog), I decided I need to seek God. I figured, I had done enough talking for the week and it was time to shut up and listen.

First, I read Proverbs 4, cause it was Aug 4th and that's what Christians do is read a Proverb a day to keep the devil away, amiright? Proverbs 4 is all about seeking wisdom, clutching to it and giving all you have to obtain it. Doing so will keep you from harm and guide you. That was one of the main things we had been praying all week is that we would move in God's wisdom.

Next, I read Psalm 84, cause it was Aug 4th and it seemed witty (get it - Aug 4 - 8/4 = 84). Psalm 84 is where the song Better is One Day comes from. Now, sometimes, I read the Psalms and notice, hey, that's in a song I know, and then my brain trails off into singing every song in my head, etc...

I didn't do that this night.

I was struck by two passages. The first is at the end:

LORD Almighty,
blessed is the one who trusts in you.

When I put everything together today, that question I mentioned earlier changed. It was no longer, "Do you love me enough?". It was, "Do you trust me enough?" At last, God's answer had arrived. Not what I had expected. I has hoping for something more like, "Do a yard sale on such and such date, write your congressman with these specific words, and build an altar on this spot", cause every time in the old Testament, when God speaks to you, you build an altar somewhere.

That would be a hilarious addition to the household. You'd have to explain every time someone came over. "Here is the painting we found at a garage sale that we just had to have. Oh, and over here is out altar made out of sofa cushions covered in dog hair to commemorate God speaking to us...."

Sorry, I ate paint chips as a child. My mom fed them to me. And they were delicious.

"Do you trust me enough?"

That broke me. Thankfully, my office partner was not in today, cause I was hard core misty eyed - not quite tears, but pretty close. This much I know, whatever is next to come, has to start with trusting God. Knowing that He is in complete control.

Another passage that stuck out to me was this one, Psalm 84: 5-7:

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baka,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

I realized, we're on a journey. The journey isn't parenthood, that's only the way we're getting there. Ultimately, the journey is to appear before God. When it says, blessed are those whose strength is in You, you could change it to say, blessed are those who trust in You.

I had to look up what the Valley of Baka is admittedly, but I found it really interesting. The Valley of Baka is also sometimes translated, the Valley of Tears. Read that passage again with that context.

Suddenly, our journey had become so much clearer:

Blessed are those who trust in You, whose hearts are set on adoption.
As they walk through the Valley of Tears, the struggles, the hurt, the aching, they will make it a place of joy, they will trade sorrow for gladness.
They go from strength to strength till they appear before God in heaven.

Musical accompaniment provided today by All Sons and Daughters.