Faithfulness
What does that word mean? What does it mean to be faithful? Consistent, present, solid, never
failing... those are some things I think of when I think of the word faithful. Out of curiosity I looked up the meaning of the word. I got "steadfast in affection or allegiance, firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty, given with strong assurance." The part that stood out to me was the fact that the definition leaves no room for wavering. If you are faithful you are steadfast, firm and given to strong assurance. Wow... I have been so unfaithful.
One thing any adoptive mama will tell you is she wants to "wait well" for the day when her children are home and that new version of life begins. That is what we all want... and it is SO hard to wait well. There are distractions, frustrations, pain and struggles. You have all the normal, everyday ups and downs of life and then the added questions and ups and downs of adoption. It is very easy to get caught up in waves of fear, doubt and worry. It is so easy to be unfaithful.
As I rushed to get ready this morning I started going over recent events in my head. Our weekend with the girls, what we would do next weekend, happenings within our family and questions about what was to come. As I ran out the door suddenly I heard this thought "What about Me?" My heart kinda stopped when I realized I was doing it again. It had been days since I had given myself the time my soul craves to be with my creator. It had been days since I had done more than pray to him over our meal or with my husband before bed. How had this happened? It's not that I don't want to spend time with him. I want to, I need it to survive. I let myself get busy, I stopped managing my time... I stayed up WAY to late watching cheesy vampire movies with Steve (don't judge).
As I drove to work I turned off the music, and tried to have a conversation... but really I feel like God just wants me to be quiet. How arrogant to consistently miss my dates with him and then expect to just jump right in and have him listen to all of my woes and worries. It's not that I think it's unimportant to him.. but I have not made HIM important today. I was greatly convicted this morning that I need to manage my time better. I need to, I have to, I will. I have been unfaithful but He is still so faithful.
We have seen God's faithfulness again and again during this process of adoption. We have seen the tiny details come together to make a beautiful picture. We have seen two families coming together and beginning a bond for two sweet, sweet little girls. We have seen Jesus consistently remove barrier after barrier. We have seen finances falling into place, friendships blossoming into family and patience beyond measure with our constant doubt and failings.
We know we are where we should be. We know we are where God wants us. But we also know that does not guarantee that in the end these girls will have bear the last name "Day". We do not have that assurance. We have the assurance that He works all things for good for those who are called according to his purpose. We believe that God loves adoption, the painful parts and the easy one... probably the painful ones more since that's when His glory really shines through.
We are learning that leaning on his truths and trusting him can look crazy to anyone who's not in the middle of it. We have learned that we're ok with crazy as long as it's in his will.
All of this to say we've seen his faithfulness time and again. We've seen miracles and answers to prayer. We've heard him call us over and over to step out and trust. We are standing on the water... we're walking on it and yet, knowing he's faithful we still sink because of our unbelief.
So know we're not perfect. We doubt all the time. We are afraid that we could lose these girls. We are afraid we could lose those we love. But we also know that fear is not from God and he is the one fighting for us. We will hold fast to that even as we sink over and over. He is ever patient and lifts us back up again and again.
Holding on to his faithfulness.
failing... those are some things I think of when I think of the word faithful. Out of curiosity I looked up the meaning of the word. I got "steadfast in affection or allegiance, firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty, given with strong assurance." The part that stood out to me was the fact that the definition leaves no room for wavering. If you are faithful you are steadfast, firm and given to strong assurance. Wow... I have been so unfaithful.
One thing any adoptive mama will tell you is she wants to "wait well" for the day when her children are home and that new version of life begins. That is what we all want... and it is SO hard to wait well. There are distractions, frustrations, pain and struggles. You have all the normal, everyday ups and downs of life and then the added questions and ups and downs of adoption. It is very easy to get caught up in waves of fear, doubt and worry. It is so easy to be unfaithful.
As I rushed to get ready this morning I started going over recent events in my head. Our weekend with the girls, what we would do next weekend, happenings within our family and questions about what was to come. As I ran out the door suddenly I heard this thought "What about Me?" My heart kinda stopped when I realized I was doing it again. It had been days since I had given myself the time my soul craves to be with my creator. It had been days since I had done more than pray to him over our meal or with my husband before bed. How had this happened? It's not that I don't want to spend time with him. I want to, I need it to survive. I let myself get busy, I stopped managing my time... I stayed up WAY to late watching cheesy vampire movies with Steve (don't judge).
As I drove to work I turned off the music, and tried to have a conversation... but really I feel like God just wants me to be quiet. How arrogant to consistently miss my dates with him and then expect to just jump right in and have him listen to all of my woes and worries. It's not that I think it's unimportant to him.. but I have not made HIM important today. I was greatly convicted this morning that I need to manage my time better. I need to, I have to, I will. I have been unfaithful but He is still so faithful.
We have seen God's faithfulness again and again during this process of adoption. We have seen the tiny details come together to make a beautiful picture. We have seen two families coming together and beginning a bond for two sweet, sweet little girls. We have seen Jesus consistently remove barrier after barrier. We have seen finances falling into place, friendships blossoming into family and patience beyond measure with our constant doubt and failings.
We know we are where we should be. We know we are where God wants us. But we also know that does not guarantee that in the end these girls will have bear the last name "Day". We do not have that assurance. We have the assurance that He works all things for good for those who are called according to his purpose. We believe that God loves adoption, the painful parts and the easy one... probably the painful ones more since that's when His glory really shines through.
We are learning that leaning on his truths and trusting him can look crazy to anyone who's not in the middle of it. We have learned that we're ok with crazy as long as it's in his will.
All of this to say we've seen his faithfulness time and again. We've seen miracles and answers to prayer. We've heard him call us over and over to step out and trust. We are standing on the water... we're walking on it and yet, knowing he's faithful we still sink because of our unbelief.
So know we're not perfect. We doubt all the time. We are afraid that we could lose these girls. We are afraid we could lose those we love. But we also know that fear is not from God and he is the one fighting for us. We will hold fast to that even as we sink over and over. He is ever patient and lifts us back up again and again.
Holding on to his faithfulness.
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