True Love
God is so faithful. That really has been the theme of our life over the past 9 months... and beyond that but we've really focused on it during this time.
About three months ago Steve and I decided that I needed to give notice and stay home with the twins as of the first of December. It was a scary decision... I mean what if the adoption didn't happen? We prayed about it, talked to people we trusted and talked about it a LOT with each other and came to the decision that God was calling us to be all in with the things he had and has called us to. He was calling me to be home. It was a scary decision, especially since one month ago today was the last time that we saw the twins, the last time I was a stay at home mom... for now.
There has been a lot of grief, coping, learning and asking God "What now?". There were and are a lot of days where I'm just home. I work on the house, I do some internet stuff and I just stay quiet. During this time I have felt God restoring me. I have felt him quietly hugging me as I ask him questions. We've slowly been healing from losing the twins but it hasn't been without the questions to God. Why has been a big one. Why did this have to happen this way? The answer I keep getting is that it is time for me to rest. It is time for God to truly be enough. It is time to be still and hear him.
This Christmas my parents gave Steve and me a large sum of money as our gift. It was such a blessing and we quickly began planning out all the ways we would use it. We paid off the last of our credit card debt (HOLLA), we added some needed items to the home and then we got Steve's car fixed. We still had half of the money left over and had a lot of plans for it but my husband wisely said we needed to wait until my car was looked at. The heat stopped working a month ago and it was important to get it fixed.
Well Thursday we got the call from the car dealership. They told us it would either be $110 or $1100 to fix the car. They would know more after they looked further. Well as Steve was getting all these calls I was at home getting overwhelmed. I started going through all the costs we still had with the adoption ($11,000.00), the debt we still have to pay, things that had just broken that needed to be replaced and I just started to mentally freak out. I just felt God nudging me to pray and be silent so I did. It wasn't a holy prayer or even anything that is really worth calling a prayer... it was more of a heart cry of "God help!"
Several hours later Steve calls me back to tell me the final damage. When they got into the car they found a whole lot more wrong with it than they had originally thought. The final tally was going to be around $2300.00. WHAT????!!?!?!?! "We don't have that kind of money!!" I freaked out into the phone. Steve told me to hold on as he told me the rest. GM as in General Motors, the makers of our car, had offered to partner with us and pay the costs minus $180.00. Yes we know this means it was a manufacturers flaw but THEY are going to FIX it!!!
My heart sang as I realized my God has once again supplied all my needs. Friday the dealership provided me with a rental at no charge! Then Friday afternoon I was blessed by my dear friend Cindy who cuts my hair... seriously talented woman. THEN our vacuum and blender died this week and guess who had the exact amount left over from the Christmas money to pay for new ones??? This girl that's who!
So God in his wisdom had Steve hold off on us spending that money because he knew a whole slew of things were about to break in our house. As of today, everything has been fixed or replaced and we have not taken on one ounce of new debt.
I am humbled as I am once again reminded that he cares for me. He cares about the details as mundane as they may seem. He knows my heart and constantly and gently molds it until it is more in line with his.
I love this man named Jesus!
About three months ago Steve and I decided that I needed to give notice and stay home with the twins as of the first of December. It was a scary decision... I mean what if the adoption didn't happen? We prayed about it, talked to people we trusted and talked about it a LOT with each other and came to the decision that God was calling us to be all in with the things he had and has called us to. He was calling me to be home. It was a scary decision, especially since one month ago today was the last time that we saw the twins, the last time I was a stay at home mom... for now.
There has been a lot of grief, coping, learning and asking God "What now?". There were and are a lot of days where I'm just home. I work on the house, I do some internet stuff and I just stay quiet. During this time I have felt God restoring me. I have felt him quietly hugging me as I ask him questions. We've slowly been healing from losing the twins but it hasn't been without the questions to God. Why has been a big one. Why did this have to happen this way? The answer I keep getting is that it is time for me to rest. It is time for God to truly be enough. It is time to be still and hear him.
This Christmas my parents gave Steve and me a large sum of money as our gift. It was such a blessing and we quickly began planning out all the ways we would use it. We paid off the last of our credit card debt (HOLLA), we added some needed items to the home and then we got Steve's car fixed. We still had half of the money left over and had a lot of plans for it but my husband wisely said we needed to wait until my car was looked at. The heat stopped working a month ago and it was important to get it fixed.
Well Thursday we got the call from the car dealership. They told us it would either be $110 or $1100 to fix the car. They would know more after they looked further. Well as Steve was getting all these calls I was at home getting overwhelmed. I started going through all the costs we still had with the adoption ($11,000.00), the debt we still have to pay, things that had just broken that needed to be replaced and I just started to mentally freak out. I just felt God nudging me to pray and be silent so I did. It wasn't a holy prayer or even anything that is really worth calling a prayer... it was more of a heart cry of "God help!"
Several hours later Steve calls me back to tell me the final damage. When they got into the car they found a whole lot more wrong with it than they had originally thought. The final tally was going to be around $2300.00. WHAT????!!?!?!?! "We don't have that kind of money!!" I freaked out into the phone. Steve told me to hold on as he told me the rest. GM as in General Motors, the makers of our car, had offered to partner with us and pay the costs minus $180.00. Yes we know this means it was a manufacturers flaw but THEY are going to FIX it!!!
My heart sang as I realized my God has once again supplied all my needs. Friday the dealership provided me with a rental at no charge! Then Friday afternoon I was blessed by my dear friend Cindy who cuts my hair... seriously talented woman. THEN our vacuum and blender died this week and guess who had the exact amount left over from the Christmas money to pay for new ones??? This girl that's who!
So God in his wisdom had Steve hold off on us spending that money because he knew a whole slew of things were about to break in our house. As of today, everything has been fixed or replaced and we have not taken on one ounce of new debt.
I am humbled as I am once again reminded that he cares for me. He cares about the details as mundane as they may seem. He knows my heart and constantly and gently molds it until it is more in line with his.
I love this man named Jesus!
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