A Question for the Ages

I grew up in church. I loved Jesus from the second I understood what he had done for me and when I was 15 I truly began to understand his love for me and it forever changed the course of my life.

I was looking at pictures yesterday from when I was baptized. It was such a joyous occasion. The church I grew up in baptizes out at the beach at Ft. Monroe and my little sister was baptized with me. I have this picture of the two of us walking hand in hand right after we had been baptized and it is precious

but I'm beginning to wonder... how many of us see that as the last box to be checked? How many see that as the final signature on a contract we make with God... God I do these things and then you let me into heaven... right?

December 2011 my heart began to stir and now is churning like crazy. I have begun to question what I see in church. I've begun to question everything. Is the American church honestly what God desired when the first church in Acts was created? I honestly cannot believe it is. This church is so different than the one you see described in Acts. Somehow through the generations it became about a building, a program, a model to get a reaction.

Please don't think I'm just being cynical and tearing down the church... my heart is just beginning to cry out that there is something MORE!

I began reading books by people like David Platt, Francis Chan, Brandon and Jen Hatmaker and Katie Davis... each book I've read has back up the message that is being branded on my heart... we are called to more than a comfortable existence and if my only desire is to sit in class after class and sermon after sermon but NEVER leave the walls of the building then do I truly know this Jesus I claim to? If my heart is not burdened for the lost, hurting, starving, dirty, forgotten world do I really know this Jesus I claim to?

Jesus didn't come and hang out with politicians or religious "celebrities". Jesus came and humbly but confidently showed us what love is to look like. Love is helping the sick, dying and poor. Love is finding a way to impact your neighbor and not ignoring them. Love is not sitting in a seat Sunday after Sunday and making sure you give your 10%. Who do I impact if that is all I do?

My eyes are being opened more and more and I'm aware these are not the most popular questions to ask. I'm aware that some will say I'm reading too much into things, getting radical or becoming "one of those Christians". I would respond that if you begin to read the Bible and truly seek out what God's heart is.. it's clearly not a building, it's clearly not a program... it is CLEARLY people. It is CLEARLY relationships.

Jen Hatmaker said something in her book "Interrupted" that has stayed with me since the moment I read it:

"Why did I spend all my time blessing blessed people who should be on the giving side of the equation by now?" (p. 21) Answer: because its safe and because its comfortable."

That question has been on repeat since I read it... do I spend all my time "blessing the blessed"? It was so strong that I had to take some serious time off from singing so I could work through my motivations and why I was doing it. I can honestly say that for a long time I liked the recognition and I liked getting the solos... my identity was quickly becoming that. God clearly opened my eyes to my pride and selfishness during my time off. He gave me a clear view of what I was on the road to become and then in his graciousness gave me a view of where I could go and I grabbed at it like a woman dying of thirst who's been offered a drop of water.

The Lord is redeeming this selfish, prideful, sinner of a girl and showing me that when my heart and eyes are on him and not the world THEN something beautiful begins to happen... I don't care what the world thinks.. only HIM.

So I'm working to daily cast my eyes to the cross, to remember I am redeemed and live like that. I'm daily asking the question "what is love" and patiently waiting as he shows me the way. I know this is a process that will continue until we are face to face but the adventure of it takes my breath away... there really is nothing like following this man named Jesus!

So be bold, be daring, seek the adventure. Life truly is more fun that way!!