He Guides Our Steps

I've wanted to blog all week.  I've thought about it every day.. what I would say.  Every time I sat down to begin something stopped me... I just couldn't.  I have been processing and thinking about this and a whole lot of other things this week and finally felt I could sit down and write them out.  So this is a mind dump of my thoughts and happenings over the last week.

We're in this competition to be one of the top 25 blogs for "circle of moms".  It's been fun seeing that we actually have a chance of being one of them but I know that I'm leaving on Sunday for Kenya so the likelihood that we'll be in the top isn't high... but it's been fun :).  If you want to vote you can click the button on the side of the blog or go to www.circleofmoms.com   You can vote once a day from each computer or device and this includes ipods and phones!

Over the last three weeks or so I have watched three families who are in different stages of meeting their children.  All of them are adopting from Africa and it's just been amazing to watch!  One family brought home their three children and it has been so beautiful watching them all get to know each other and learn how to be a family of five.  One family just went to meet their son and are anxiously awaiting the time they can go to bring him home. The third just met their two boys that will make them a family of 8.  I watched this video and had tears streaming.  It was so beautiful to see them come together and see how it just fit!  God is in adoption.  He is in the details.  He does not leave one behind!

It's amazing how your world shifts when you enter the world of adoption.  Not only does your mindset change, your perception of what "family" is, but you begin to learn flexibility on a whole new level.  Things change in an instant.  We don't know where our baby or babies will come from.  We don't know what the situation will be.  It could be in a week it could be 2 years.  I feel more and more these days that it's going to be sooner than later and that makes me thrilled and terrified at the same time.  We have had 3 separate occasions over the last 4 months where we have been approached about a child or children.  Each time my heart starts pounding, I lose my breath and ask quickly "God this one?"  Each time the answer has been "Not this one, I have someone else for them."  Let me tell you... when you are waiting for your first child or children and you step back and get a small glimpse of the huge need there is... it's incredibly overwhelming.  I broke down the other night with Steve.  I told him "what can we do?  how do we help them all?"  Obviously we cannot help them all but I want to.  I want to see families have a heart change and realize they can take one more.  I want to see children matched with their forever families.  I let myself get overwhelmed with that sometimes.  Waiting is hard when you see such pain and need in front of you but we are faithfully waiting.  God has our children picked, planned and is carefully orchestrating every step to them.

I was thinking today about domestic and international adoption.  I firmly believe one is not better than the other.  I firmly believe that we are all God's creations and so we cannot question when he leads us to another country any more than when he leads us to the next town.  It is all in his hands.  I believe one day we will adopt from Africa just like I'm sure we will adopt from the USA more than once... I just know this in my heart that one does not please God more than the other and my desire and heart is to please him not man.  They are all his and we will go where he leads!

Speaking of Africa, I leave for Kenya in 3 days.  My brother and I are packing up and heading out for a 17 day adventure!  I am overwhelmed with excitement for this trip.  I love spending time with my brother.  He is funny and so compassionate.  This will be the first sibling that I have taken to show "my heart".  I have not even been able to do this with Steve yet although we began talking about that today.  I love Africa.  I love everything about it.  I love how difficult it is and I love how raw.  I love how clearly you see God there.  Things are stripped down and you really learn a lot about yourself.  The people are beautiful and have more life experience in their pinky toe than I do in my entire being.  I just love it.  We will touch down in Nairobi on June 21st, my birthday!  This will be the second birthday I have spent in another country and on another continent. I love that God has put that desire and passion in my heart to serve others, to love on them and to be used. I cannot wait but at the same time Satan has been working overtime on my heart.  I was sick for 3 weeks and then stress has just been very, very high lately.  Lately I've been fighting some horrible lies he's put in my heart.  I have been letting what others think of my interfere with what I'm supposed to do or not do and I had to have a dear friend and my husband set me straight on that.  After tears, prayer and conversation I can say I'm excited for this trip and not letting Satan get in the way... no matter who or what he uses...

So that's some randomness from my heart.  I hope you are doing well.  I hope as you read this there is something you can take out of it.  I love the connection blogs give!

be blessed!

love to all!