Sweet Reminders of His Love

This picture has no baring on anything I wrote today other than I like it.

Steve and I have always known we would adopt.  Me and my planning little self had this idea that we would be done "having kids" by the time I was 30 and then would adopt one or two.  HA! I laugh at that girl now a days.  She didn't even think twice about asking God what his plan was and it took about 3 years of very painful experiences to get to a place where I was broken enough to fall at his feet and repent of my stubborn and selfish plans.  I'll explain a little I've decided...
About two years into our marriage it became very apparent that several health complications I have were going to keep us from getting pregnant barring God doing something which I totally think he's capable of!!!  We decided to pursue fertility treatments.  That began a very stress filled, painful, emotional journey.  I do not think there is anything wrong with fertility treatments but for us it was the wrong move.  In my normal stubborn, pig headed nature I was trying to play God and show him what the plan was... how arrogant right?  We did get pregnant once but women like me tend to be prone to miscarriage and at 6-7 weeks we found out we had lost the baby.  It was a very hard time.  Steve and I were struggling because of all the stress from the treatments(I was an emotional bear due to the drugs).  I remember in detail a lot of that time but don't feel like it would help this post. We kept trying for about 6-8 months.  It was very painful and at the end of that time we both felt we were completely out of God's will for us to keep doing this.  We took a step back and for awhile I didn't want to think about babies at all.

Over time though that desire came back and I was convinced we were going to get pregnant.  It didn't happen and it was so stressful.  I prayed and I prayed.  That really was when God started to show me how much I was trying to take all of this into my own hands.  Like I could somehow know better than my creator when it's time for me to be a mother?  We had so much to learn still!

My heart began to change.  We began to pray and we became content with where we were.  We both knew God would give us a baby and that it would be in his time.  At that point we weren't thinking about adoption or birth.  We just became content.

Over time I found my heart changing even more.  I wanted a family, wanted to have children.  We both desperately desired that.  But that desire to be physically pregnant was diminishing.  We began to pray about adoption and ask God to give us a clear answer if that was where we were to be headed.  Steve needed to see something like writing on the wall pretty much :)  Me?  No I was ready to go adopt a whole village that moment... we are at times extreme opposites :)  Well this is where that wonderful church member comes in.  We were praying for about a week.  Father's Day was a Sunday this year and we were at church as usual.  Getting ready for the next service.  I had just come back in the gym when Steve came walking up looking kinda crazy excited.  He pulled me behind the stage and told me someone had come up to Ken and told him to give us "this" anonymously .  "This" was $100.00.  Now that might not seem like a clear sign to some but to Steve and I it was the answer we had needed.  Steve got his clear sign on father's day that this was the direction God was taking us.  We have a jar at home that we keep our adoption money in right now.  That day we went home and created the jar and the first thing that went is was that $100.00.  We now save $100.00 every month and each time we put it in we stop and pray together for our babies.  It's become a sweet tradition that all started from that dear church member.  So whoever you are, you probably will never read this but thank you.  You were an answer to a prayer and the encouragement we desperately needed!!!

love to all!